Match
by MH13
Summary: Set in Casey's first season when she is still wet behind the ears, rough around the edges and can't seem to play nice with the detectives. Casey finds herself in the middle of a investigation that reveals a lot to the detectives about their new ADA. Ch.14
1. Chapter 1

This is meant to occur during Casey's first season where she is a little wet behind the ears, rough around the edges and not yet accepted by the other detectives. I don't own them. And if anyone's wondering- I haven't forgotten about my other stories. :)

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><p>It was hard to hide the smug grin on my face as I laid my phone back on my desk. I knew my best friend Cassidy would be a perfect match for Jennifer. My smile didn't fade as I went back to the tedious work that was Special Victims.<p>

I rubbed my tired eyes, it was Friday after all I really should get home to my nonexistent life. I longed for someone to be waiting for me at home but after Charlie I didn't want to travel down that path again.

The brisk air caught me off guard and my cheeks flushed as I waked home. I knew a cab was a better choice, this was New York City after all, but after being in the office all day I definitely needed to walk.

When I opened the door of my apartment I was met with darkness, I sighed, what was I expecting? I quickly turned on the light and locked the door behind me. Throwing my things on the couch I went straight to my room and fell into bed.

I was jolted out of bed at a sharp knock at my door. I looked at my phone on the nightstand and saw I had missed seven calls. What the hell?

The pounding became more insistent and I rushed to the door, "hold on I'm coming." I opened the door and found Olivia on the other side, "Olivia?"

"Hey Casey, can I come in?" She asked looking at me up and down, I glanced down and saw I was a mess. I was still in my work clothes that were wrinkled beyond recognition.

Worry must have crossed my features because she touched my shoulder directing me to the couch, "It's ok Casey, um but I have some bad news."

"What?"

"Let's sit down, ok?"

"Olivia, tell me." I said refusing to budge from my place at the door.

"There was a double homicide in your building."

"Ok do you need a warrant?" I said confused.

"Um… your friends Cassidy and Jennifer were the victims."

"Oh my god." I said my hand instinctively covering my mouth.

"I'm so sorry Casey," She murmured as she easily moved me to the couch.

"What happened?"

"We're still investigating that Casey."

"How did you know they were my friends?"

Olivia's demeanor changed and she frowned before pushing a hand through her hair, "that's what we need to talk about, we thought you might have some useful information. And as of right now you are the last person to talk to them."

"What does that mean?"

She looked away, "I don't know Casey, we just need to talk down at the station tomorrow."

"D—did they suffer?"

Olivia refused to make eye contact again and I instantly knew my answer.

"Let's go now," I said grabbing my coat and swallowing the rising bile in my throat.

"How did you know Jennifer?"

She turned in the chair in the interview room and gave me a knowing look.

"Casey, I know this is uncomfortable, but we need to ask."

"We dated a while back…" she mumbled as she looked at the two way mirror.

Interesting, I thought to myself. "When?"

"Like six months ago."

"And it ended amicably?"

"Yea, we both just needed… something and we were able to give it to each other then," she said bushing and looking toward the window again.

"How did you know Cassidy?"

She rolled her eyes and glared at me again.

I leaned over the table and whispered, "Casey, no one is judging you, we've all had our fair share of partners."

"What other questions do you have Olivia?"

"When did you meet Cassidy?"

"We've been friends since elementary school. We went to college together and moved to New York together. She's my best friend… at one time or another she's been more."

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><p>Cragen turned off the sound and looked at Elliot who had his brows raised, "let's keep this low for now."<p>

Their eyes moved back to the window but Cragen didn't press the button to turn the sound back on. "Let's give them some time, uh, go see what you can find out on the vics."

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><p>"So you set them up together?"<p>

"Yea, I thought they'd be a good match."

"You didn't care that they were your former lovers?" I asked curiosity getting the better of me.

"I wanted them to be happy," she said shrugging her shoulders.

"Tell me about your conversation with Cassidy today."

"We usually get lunch once a week and she told me today that she was getting back into the dating scene. She was having some "approaching thirty" crisis and wanted to know if I knew anyone."

I nodded my head, indicating for her to continue.

"I called her after lunch, after calling Jennifer to see if she was interested. I set up the date for them tonight, it was soon but they both were free so I—thought why not" she said wiping her eyes.

Her usual steadfast demeanor was gone and her cheeks were stained with mascara runs and dried tears. I wanted to hug her but knew that wasn't my place.

"It's ok Casey, we'll catch this guy," I said reaching for her hand.

She stared at our hands a moment before looking at me. I knew why she was regarding me this way, I hadn't exactly been kind to Casey since her start in Special Victims a few months ago. I knew I had more questions for Casey but I stood up, leaving her. When I walked through the door I found Elliot looking through the mirror at Casey, he raised his eyebrows and I just continued walking.

"Not often we have the ADA in the integration room," Munch sarcastically replied as he saw Elliot and I walk out.

I smacked him on the back of the head as I walked by, "what information do we have on the vics?"

Casey walked into Cragen's office without a glance at us, I saw Don stand up and gently close the door after her. None of us missed the stern look on his face.

When Casey emerged twenty minutes later, we all pretended to ignore the door opening and the very disheveled Casey appear. I looked up and made contact with Cragen, he nodded and I stood. Slowly approaching Casey I tried my best to sound casual, "Hey let me take you home," I said putting my hand on her arm.

She shrugged off my hand, "I'm fine, Detective, call me if you need anything further."

We watched her walk out of the room and into the waiting elevator. John was the first one to speak, saying what was on all our minds, "can't really blame her, we haven't been exactly welcoming."

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><p>Review! Thanks :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I dont own Law and Order. And Sing You Home is Jodi Picoult's newest book- I highly recommend it :)

I'm trying to keep a happy medium between the murders and Casey's personal life. Let me know how it's working for you.

Thanks to those who review- I always send a thank you to reviewers if that is any incentive :)

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><p><strong>She shrugged off my hand, "I'm fine, Detective, call me if you need anything further."<strong>

**We watched her walk out of the room and into the waiting elevator. John was the first one to speak, saying what was on all our minds, "can't really blame her, we haven't been exactly welcoming."**

Cragen addressed us, "ok, John and Fin, go see Jennifer's family, keep it low. Olivia and Elliot in my office."

When Elliot closed the door behind us, I wearily sat down.

"We're going to keep this low. We all know Casey is involved in this, let's do our best to clear any connections she might have. Olivia do some background on Casey's relationships with the two women."

The day was fruitless and I was surprised when Cragen holler for me to come into his office.

"Listen, Olivia I need you to go talk to Casey." I made a face and he smiled. "Maybe it's time to kiss and make up with the new ADA."

"I'll call you when she slams the door in my face Don," I quipped with a smile.

He looked at me trying not to smile at my joke.

"So if Casey can't play nice, I take my ball and go home for the day?"

"Go!"

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><p>I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.<p>

To my surprise the door opened and I was even more surprised to see Casey at the door—except it wasn't Casey. She looked almost exactly like Casey but something told me it wasn't her. My eyebrows furrowed showing my confusion and she smiled.

"Hi, I'm Violet, Casey's sister."

"Oh, wow. Aren't you the spitting image of Casey."

"Yea, I get that a lot, but I think you mean she's the spitting image of me, I'm eighteen months older. All the Novak girls are redheads, have green eyes and pale skin... are you here to admire the Novak genes or can I help you with something?"

I held my laughter but could see looks don't only run in the Novak family, sarcasm ran rampant too. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson, I work with Casey."

My name must have held some clout because she said, "come in," opening the door and letting me in. "She's showering, she'll be right out. Can I get you some coffee?"

"Yea, sure." I said looking around the apartment. Casey had painted the walls green, they were peppered with pictures and accented with tasteful décor.

I turned back around and stared into the green eyes of Casey, by the look on her face I was damn sure it was her. Her face told of the storm of emotions inside her. Her red hair was wet and slicked back from her face, which was ghostly pale and her eyes were red and puffy. My eyes lowered and I saw her normally pale skin was blotchy and red covered by a purple tank and sweatpants.

"What do you want Olivia?"

"I came to talk to you Casey."

"Cream or sugar-?" Violet asked as she unknowingly stepped into the stare down between Casey and me.

"Oh, what's going on?" She asked as she looked between Casey and me.

"Nothing, Detective Benson was just leaving."

"Casey it's better you talk to me here than down at the precinct. You know that. The less everyone is in your business that way."

"Everyone is already in my business Olivia!" She exploded at me.

"We all have a past, we're all adults, we're colleagues now."

"Colleagues? That's rich."

I looked down, I couldn't exactly deny that was the truth, "I take some warming up to I guess."

"Fine, what do you want to know?" She asked turning around and walking into the kitchen to collect herself.

I waited until she came back, she handed me a cup of coffee and cradled her own in her hands while she pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt you, Cassidy or Jennifer?"

"No."

"Hey, Case, I'm going to go to bed, come get me when you're going to bed. Ok?" Violet said with a kiss on her cheek.

"Thanks Vi, I love you."

I watched her exit the room, "I didn't know you had a sister."

Casey scoffed at me, "you haven't bothered to get to know me Olivia. You are all mourning over Cabot's loss to see that I'm a person."

"I know Casey, I'm sorry..."

"Save it, it's fine. I have two sisters, Violet and Amelia. Violet is a graphic designer who lives in Massachusetts. And Amelia is in college."

"Wow, middle child huh?"

"You didn't come here to reminisce about my middle child syndrome, Olivia. What other information do you need?"

"Fine, but for what it's worth, you're right. I haven't been fair to you and I'd like to get to know you as a person. I need to know your history with Cassidy, anything that would give us a clue to who killed her and Jennifer."

"I guess I'll start at the beginning. Cassidy moved next door to me in fourth grade. Her dad had just died two years ago and she didn't have any friends. We were both buck tooth, pale and rail thin. Needless to say we became instant friends. When we were in fifth grade she asked me if I ever heard of a lesbian. She had heard her mom listening to the Christian radio station and they were saying how they were going to hell," Casey smiled at the memory as she retold the story, she seemed to be in a whole different place as she reminisced. "I told her that Violet said that that meant that two girls liked "liked" each other."

"We let it go for a few days and decided maybe we should see what it's like. So we kissed. She was my first kiss. I was hers." I could see Casey reliving the moment as she closed her eyes and a smile fell on her lips.

She coughed and smiled sadly, "we never said anything but there was a connection when we kissed, even at that young age we knew. When we got to high school we decided to try again. That time sparks flew and uh we went a little farther. We were a little more versed in what a lesbian was. We dated for three years. She was my first uh everything. I was hers. We loved each other."

"What happened?" I asked completely enveloped in her story.

"Reality got the best of us, we just realized that as much as we loved each other, we were meant to be friends."

"She dated more girls, I, uh, dated both men and women. We made a pact to be best friends forever. We went to college together, roomed together, we helped each other through a lot. We both moved to New York together, it was the only way our parents 'let' us move here. I promised her parents that I would watch out for her, she did the same." She said her voice cracking and dissolving into tears.

"I'm so sorry Casey." I whispered as I moved onto the couch next to her, I was surprised when she fell into my arms crying.

I held her as she cried, taken aback but not objecting to comforting her. I hadn't expected the hard assed ADA to crumble into my arms crying. I gently rubbed her back until I felt her breathing even and was surprised when I found her asleep in my arms. I took a moment to examine her. Her hair had dried and it now shone its true fiery red in the lamplight, her skin was smooth and soft, her lips slightly pouted and her chest lightly moving up and down. I gently moved her into my arms, praying that she wouldn't wake and stood up. I didn't know which room was hers and toed open the first door on the left, grateful I was right, I laid her on the bed. I covered her with the blankets and snuck out of the room. I was curious if Violet was still up and I walked down the hall until I saw the door slightly ajar and light streaming through.

"Violet?" I whispered.

"Christ Olivia," she said jumping off the bed.

"Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that um Casey fell asleep and I put her in her room."

"Ah that sounds like Casey, as a little girl she'd get so worked up she'd crash after."

"Really?"

She regarded me with a knowing look, "really. From what I hear you and your unit haven't exactly given her a chance."

"I know and I am sorry for that. I want to get to know Casey better. She's an excellent prosecutor."

"She's an amazing woman, sister, friend, confidant, prosecutor, the list goes on."

"I don't doubt." I said nodding and letting myself out.

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><p>"What have we got?" Cragen asked sitting on the edge of the desk.<p>

Munch spoke up first, "we got a hold of Jennifer's parents. They were both at work until late then went to Jennifer's sister's piano recital it didn't end until about eleven thirty."

"I don't think they had anything to do with it. They knew she was gay, they were supportive."

"You think we're looking for someone who had a problem with lesbians?" Cragen asked.

Elliot tossed a file of pictures from the Medical Examiner at Cragen who was sitting at Olivia's desk, he grimaced when a few pictures slid out of the two women. They were severely beaten and raped. Wearily Cragen opened the file and flipped through the pictures.

"Anything on Cassidy's parents?"

"No they live upstate but we aren't able to get a hold of them."

"Ok, Elliot go with Liv to see what they have to say."

"Munch and Fin, I want you to continue digging. Look into the possibility of a hate crime. Look into Cassidy's parents while Liv and Elliot talk to them."

"You think this is a sign we're going to be going through ADAs like water?"

"You think Casey did this?"

"No, but I don't know that she's going to bounce back. You saw her the other day."

I stayed silent as I let my eyes roll over the landscape as we drove.

"I met her sister when I went to her apartment last night." I said offhandedly.

"She's got a sister?"

"Two, I know right," I said with a laugh when he scrunched his brows, "you know what she said to me?"

"Huh?"

"We wouldn't know regardless because we hadn't bothered to get to know her."

I almost expected Elliot to deny it but he sighed before saying, "she's right."

Elliot pulled the car up to the modest house ending our conversation. The house looked empty but we approached the door nonetheless. We knocked a few times but it was futile. We trudged back to our car only to be pounced on by the nosy neighbor.

"Excuse me? Are you looking for the Billings?"

"Yes ma'am, we're detectives. Do you know where they are?"

"Oh my is something wrong?" She said adjusting her glasses that screamed 1970's. I glanced down at her floral muumuu and bit my tongue I wanted to say, "besides your outfit?"

"What can you tell us about the Billings?"

"Nice family," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "a little weird but nice all the same."

"Weird how ma'am?"

"Very religious, you know?"

When I looked at her she quickly backpedaled, "well there ain't nothing wrong with going to church but they were a little extreme you know?"

Elliot nodded at the woman, trying to pull more from her.

Lowering her voice again, "Bill was a pastor of the church in town, they are pretty new here came from a town in Connecticut." She looked around again as if the secret police could hear, "I heard that they were asked to leave. They were upsetting other members of the congregation."

"Why?"

"They were a little… extreme," she said emphasizing the word extreme with her hands.

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><p>"Whatcha reading?" Violet asked as she walked past me into the kitchen.<p>

I glanced at the title, "uh, Sing You Home."

"Is it good?"

I glanced up from the page I was reading and realized all the words were just a blur. I couldn't even focus on the book, hell I had no idea what the story line was.

"That good huh?" She asked sarcastically.

"Oh shut up Vi."

"Casey you think after 28 years I don't know you?"

I shut the book with a snap, "ugh I just can't sit here and wait."

"Did they give you some time off?"

"No I have a meeting with my boss today to tell them, they're going to pull me off the case."

She gave me the classic Violet look that screamed 'duh'.

"I know, you want to drive me to the office?"

"Sure, but I need to get dressed," she looked me up and down, "and so do you. Go shower."

Forty minutes later I stood next to Violet in my office. "Stay here and I'm going to go talk to Branch. Don't go through my stuff Vi, we aren't kids anymore." Remembering her finding my diary and picking the lock no matter where I hid it.

I closed the door after myself and walked into Arthur's office, knocking to alert him of my presence.

"Come in Casey," he beckoned with a hand.

I shut the door behind myself and sat down in front of him.

"What's going on Casey?"

"Benson and Stabler responded to a double homicide in my building Friday. I was involved with both the victims."

"Have you given a statement to the detectives?"

"Yes sir."

"How did Benson and Stabler know that you were involved with them?"

I hated this game we were playing, I wasn't one to ignore the pink elephant in the room.

"I had, had lunch with the one victim that day. I had set them up on a date. I had been in a sexual relationship with both women." I said as professionally as I could, trying to ignore the blush that was coming up my cheeks.

"You will not be prosecuting this case, you will cooperate fully with the detectives and you will take some time off. Understood?"

"Yes sir."

"I'll be contacting Cragen keep me apprised of the situation. We don't need another shake up in the DA's office."

"Yes sir."

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><p>I sat at Casey's desk and couldn't help but ruffle through the drawers, "jackpot," I mumbled as I found a stack of pictures. My eyebrows scrunched as I saw the picture of Casey and Charlie.<p>

"Damn it Casey," I mumbled

When I heard her heels clicking I shut the drawer and waited at her til I saw her red hair through the blinds.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

Instead of responding she sunk into the chair across from me, "He thought it was best to take some time off…"

"We could go on vacation…"

"Casey, we wanted to know if-"

"Woah," Elliot said as both women turned towards him. Olivia ran into his back, "damn it El!"

"Elliot this is my sister, Violet. Violet, this is Elliot Stabler, Olivia's partner."

"Hi, nice to meet you, sorry we can come back later." He said looking between them, obviously still stunned.

"No, no it's fine," Casey said as I watched her look between the detectives, "but if you need something you'll need to go to Branch, he's taken me off the case."

Olivia closed the door behind herself before replying, "we know you aren't involved in this Casey, but maybe this is better…"

"It's fine, I have some vacation days coming up so I'm going to take some time off."

"Maybe we can all go to Frank's tonight," Elliot tried to gently extend the proverbial olive branch.

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><p>Review and let me know how you liked it :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to everyone that's been reading and reviewing!

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><p>"<strong>Maybe we can all go to Frank's tonight," Elliot tried to gently extend the proverbial olive branch. <strong>

I saw Casey's mouth open but I interrupted before she could get the words out, "that sounds like fun. We'll meet you there, say about nine?"

Casey sent me a scorching look and I smiled, "ok see you there," Elliot responded obviously surprised.

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><p>"Go without me," Casey said without looking up from her book.<p>

I rolled my eyes, I furrowed my brows, "I'm sorry are we six and seven again?"

"Shut up Vi, you aren't going to kiss my boo boos and make it all better with a night out at the bar."

I crossed my arms, "it's a start isn't it?"

Casey traced the print with her fingertip and refused to look up, I stepped further into the room and sat on the bed.

"They're lost in their own sorrows of losing ADA Cabot, are you telling me you cant relate to that feeling?"

Her eyes angrily snapped up to meet mine but I stopped her with a look, "listen it's different I know but try to empathize with them."

"I didn't treat people like this after Charlie."

"You pushed us all away, you refused to tell the police, go to the hospital."

"Can't we leave that in the past?" I nodded and she pushed off the bed, "Fine I'll go."

Half and hour later I walked back into Casey's room to find her dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. I raised my brows once again at her, "you are not wearing that Casey."

I walked into her closet and pulled out a green shirt that had a wide neck and clung to her breasts and gently clung to the rest of her body. I threw the shirt at her and walked back out.

Resigned she put the shirt on and grabbed some flats and met me in the living room, "better?"

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><p>The cab ride was silent and I had to resist the urge to flee from the moving vehicle, if sensing my anxiety Violet squeezed my hand.<p>

I followed Vi into the club and we found Elliot and Liv sitting at a table. Liv was wearing a sweater with that showed some cleavage underneath her leather jacket. Elliot was wearing a shirt and jeans—typical casual male.

Violet pushed me in first to sit next to Olivia and settled at the end of the booth.

"What can I get you two?" Elliot asked as he stood up.

"Uh, I'll have a Jack and diet coke," I said

"You know what? I'll come with you Elliot," my sister said smiling as she walked with Elliot to the bar.

"How are you doing Casey?" Liv asked quietly

"Fine, you?"

She rolled her eyes, "you know what I mean Casey."

"Oh are we pretending to be bffs now?" I snapped.

"Casey I'm sorry I've treated you like shit, but I'm trying. Give me a break."

"She's been my best friend since fourth grade. We've been through a lot together—hell she's one of the sole reasons I survived Ch-," she stopped mid sentence and finished haphazardly with, "I miss her a lot."

"Jack and diet for you," Vi said setting down my drink and squeezing next to me, "red wine for me."

"Oh god, you get one Violet. Violet's kryptonite is red wine."

"I'm 29 now Casey, give me a break," she said rolling her eyes.

"So Violet what was Casey like when she was younger?"

"Oh god, I had the pleasure of torturing her when we were younger and remembering all the mortifying moments in her life. I have some great stories."

"Do tell," Elliot egged her on.

"When we were in sixth and seventh grade our mom took us to go bra shopping, Casey has this thing about green and she found this green bra and begged our mom to buy it. She agreed and the next day Casey wore this pink shirt and a green sweater over it and of course her new bra. At lunch this jerk named Raymond spilled juice on Casey so she had to take off the jacket and she walked around all day in just her shirt. When we met up afterschool to walk home I nearly fell to the floor laughing—the shirt she had on was no match for the lime green bra and you could see the bra straight through the shirt."

"Thanks Violet." I muttered turning red.

"I bet you were an interesting kid Casey," Liv said as she laughed.

"We were quite the pair growing up. I feel bad for Amelia she was kind of public enemy number one, we picked on her a lot."

"What do you do Violet?"

"I'm a graphic designer, I do freelance work."

"Do you have family Olivia, Elliot?"

A sense of protection passed between them and Elliot spoke first, "I have a wife, and four kids. Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzy."

"I don't have any children or a spouse, my mother died a couple years ago. The detectives are my family. We're a close knit family in SVU," Olivia said off handedly immediately regretting it when she saw Casey look into her drink and take a healthy swig.

"You two were close then growing up?"

"God yes. We always had each other's backs. We used to play Harriet the Spy. I had read the book and was so captured by it I decided that I was going to be Violet the Spy. And of course, I dragged Casey with me. I used her as my decoy sometimes and we'd hide in the bushes spying on old Mrs. Franklin." Violet sat back against the booth and planted a big kiss on Casey's cheek as she laughed at the memory.

"Violet has failed to mention all the times I saved her ass from getting chewed out by our parents. She used to have boys over all the time. My mother, knowing I was the responsible one would tell me she was going to bed and make sure that they stayed in the living room. I averted my eyes when Violet snuck upstairs with her latest boyfriend."

I was surprised at how easily I seemed to meld with these people, I actually found myself enjoying the rest of the night. When Violet and I slid into the cab later that night she looked at me with ehr head cocked.

"What?"

"You're smiling." I immediately let the corners of my mouth drop and looked away.

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><p>"Where's Cassidy's parents?"<p>

"At a retreat, they wont be back for a few more days."

"They're daughter died and they are at a retreat?" I asked in astonishment.

"They said they are mourning her death with their church."

Munch interrupted Fin trying to calm him down, "So Cap, I found some interesting things about the Billings while Fin and I were on desk duty. Evidently William Billings is not Cassidy's biological dad, he adopted her when her mom and him got married when she was ten."

"What's the information on the step dad?"

"He's an evangelical preacher, he moved to the area and met Cassidy's mom that time and they were married about a year later. He adopted Cassidy after the wedding."

"Anything worthwhile in the file?"

"Actually yea, there's a report where someone calls ACS. The tip was anonymous but Cassidy got spooked and recanted, saying it never happened."

"Bring Casey in and talk to her Olivia."

I shut the door after following Casey into the room, I watched her scan the room, her eyes settling on the closed shades behind the observation window. She sat lightly on the chair and I sat across from her.

"How are you Casey?"

"I have a feeling this isn't the social call the other night was."

"You're right, I need to talk to you."

"Did you find some more information?"

"What do you know about Cassidy's dad?"

"Nothing he died two years prior to her moving next door to us."

Interesting, "what about her stepdad?"

I watched Casey visibly recoil in her seat and a scowl cross her pink lips, "he met her mom shortly after they moved in. He was a preacher with delusions of grandeur."

"How did Cassidy get along with him?"

"She hated him, once they began to date she began spending more and more time at our house."

"Did she ever say anything about him?"

Casey closed her eyes and slowly opened them, "um once when we were in sixth grade Cassidy asked me something and I was really upset by it and so I told my mom. She called the police I guess. Cassidy asked if I called because children's services came to her house, I swore I didn't, she finally believed me but she was really upset."

"What did she ask you?"

"She asked me if my dad ever touched me."

"What happened after ACS came to their house?"

"I didn't see Cassidy for a week. She told me at school that her mom and step dad thought they needed to spend more time together as a family to get closer to god."

"When you saw her after how was she?"

"Reserved, quieter. She used to have sleepovers at my house and we would change in front of each other and after that she stopped. She changed dramatically. It wasn't until after she was about fifteen and we started high school that she seemed to come back to life."

"You said you dated in high school?"

"Yea we did. We were in my room suppose to be studying for our geography test and were laying on my bed and she rolled over and kissed me. I was surprised but I had always had these underlying feelings and they roared to life. I had never kissed anyone after that time with Cassidy, neither had she and I think needless to say we both saw stars." She said breaking down and crying into her hands.

"We're going to find who did this Casey, I promise." I let my hand rest on her shoulder and was surprised when she didn't pull away but I felt her body tense.

"I'll call Violet for you ok?"

She nodded behind her hands as I left the room to call Violet.

I sat at my desk and looked at Elliot, keeping Violet and Casey in my line of sight as they waited for the elevator.

"Special delivery," Munch called as he dropped a box onto my desk.

"What is this?" I asked focusing on Munch as the elevator doors closed with Casey and Violet safely inside.

"Some stuff from Cassidy's apartment, Cragen wants us to look through it. It's journals and personal things.

"Hmm," I mumbled as I looked at the assortment of what looked to be journals. There were some that were girly and cute, and other plain black ones. "God by the sheer number of them she must have journaled since she was a little kid."

I picked the girlie looking one, figuring it was from when she was the youngest I flipped to the first page and started reading:

_My mom thinks that buying me some diary is going to help me better adjust to moving basically across the country and losing dad. Fat chance. I don't want to live in Connecticut, I loved living in Chicago. Yea it's dirty and there's a lot of bad people there but I loved it. I don't want to forget the way it smelled when I took walks with dad to Grant Park. I don't want to leave my friends, I don't want to move into a new house. I want my dad. My mom's calling, she wants me to meet the neighbors I guess they have a kid my age. _

I flipped a forward some pages…

_Today was the first day of school, I held on to Casey's hand the whole time we walked to school. I had pretended to be brave for mom but as soon as we left Casey grabbed my hand. I think she knew I was scared, sometimes I think she can read my mind. _

There was a sharp tilt to Cassidy's handwriting when I flipped a few pages forward, it was also messier as if she was angry when she wrote it… my suspicions were confirmed when I read her journal entry:

_Mom brought this man to our house today. He knocked on the door and I opened it, I looked at him and figured he was a salesman and said "no thanks we aren't buying" and shut the door in his face. My mom came into the living room and saw the man through the window, "oh god" she nearly screamed as she opened the door to the stranger. She told me his name was Bob Billings and that he was her friend. I ran to Casey's house I had a strange feeling about him. _

I smiled as I read the next entry, I had done a lot of skimming through the diary and I felt like I had missed out on meeting a wonderful woman:

_Today I asked Casey if she had ever heard of lesbians. She said that Violet had told her it was when two girls liked "liked" each other. I wanted to ask Casey if she ever thought about doing that. And how Violet knew that but that was a mystery of being in middle school. I think that Casey has thought about it but I didn't say anything. _

Knowing that they had kissed I carefully skimmed the next few passages:

_Today I kissed Cassandra Anne Novak. We were sitting under the crab tree in her backyard and she asked if I thought about the talk we had. I leaned forward and kissed her right on the lips! I had seen enough people on the TV that I knew that I was suppose to turn my head…_

"Liv?"

"Uh?" I said pulling myself from the diaries.

"Find something interesting?"

"Eh," I said with a noncommittal shrug that was their memory to tell.

I continued reading, propping my feet on my desk as I went down memory lane with Cassidy. I looked through the journals to find the next one, this one had a purple cover.

_I can't believe that I'm starting sixth grade tomorrow! Mom took me to the store and got me a new shirt and jeans. She brought along Bill, he told me that I can call him that. I started to tell him no but my mom gave me a look so I said ok. I still call him Mr. Billings. Mom is always taking his side. She even made us start going to church. We never went to church in Chicago when dad was alive. I don't like it. Bill works in the church I think that's why we have to go. _

_Today mom and Bill took me out to dinner, I thought it was because I got an A on my math test but it was because they had big news. Bill had asked mom to marry him. I tried to not make a face when she told me. I wanted to say something but mom looks happy. She hasn't smiled like that since dad, I feel really upset. I don't want her to be unhappy but I don't like him I get this funny feeling around him. At least they said I can be the maid of honor in the wedding. _

_Mom and Bill came back from their honeymoon today, I've been staying with Casey. I love staying there. It's so cool that she has a big sister and a little one. She hates it but I am soo jealous! I got another A on my math test I think I might be a math professor when I get older. Miss Graham said she thought that was a wonderful idea. _

I noticed one of the pages towards the end of the book was ripped at the top. I held my place and then flipped to that page. My heart dropped when I read it,

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><p>Review, let me know what you think!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

A few notes :)

1. Please, please, please review and let me know what you think. I am not nearly as confident about this chapter as the others. _**Thanks to all the people that are reading this story and all the people who are reviewing it! **_

2. I changed the rating on the story.. there are some sensitive parts so please take that into consideration.

3. I tried to not change POV so much. When I do there is usually a method to my madness but I'll try to alert you guys with subtitles.

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><p><strong>I noticed one of the pages towards the end of the book was wrinkled and worn. I held my place and then flipped to that page. My heart dropped when I read it:<strong>

_Today after mom came in to tuck me in Bill came in, mom thought it could be "bonding time" he told me. He sat down on my bed with me and told me that he thought it was time I called him dad. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but he's not my dad. He told me that he loved me and then told me to lie on my tummy. I did and he pulled up my shirt and rubbed my back like my mom used to do when I was a kid. I felt weird but I liked it—it made me fall asleep faster. _

I put the diary on my desk and rubbed my eyes.

"Find something?" Elliot questioned across from me.

"Yea, I think her stepdad was molesting her."

"Really?"

"Yea, give me a minute I'm still reading." I flipped further into the diary and stopped dead in my tracks.

_When he came into my room last night it was different. He usually rubs my back til I fall asleep but when he was rubbing my back he touched me lower, I felt this weird feeling in my stomach, but I ignored it. I felt his hand go under my shorts and I jumped. He kissed the back of my head and told me it was ok. I didn't like it but I was scared he would be mad. I felt his hand go under my shorts and into my panties and touch me. He laid his other hand on my back. I keep my head on my pillow and pretended I was back in Chicago, I thought about the deli that my mom and I used to get bagels from every Saturday morning. I must have fallen asleep cause I woke up the next morning to my mom telling me to get ready for school. _

I keep the place in the book and handed it to Elliot to read, he looked up after a minute, this job never got easier. "Do you think Casey knew?"

I wasn't expecting that question and I shrugged, "she said her mom called ACS after Cassidy said something to Casey but then Cassidy recanted."

"Maybe you need to talk to Casey…"

"Let's keep looking through these," I really didn't want to put Casey through this, I knew she'd want to read them.

The more I read the more disgusted I got. Cassidy described the abuse in the diaries, not only the physical aspects but the emotional parts too. My heart ached for the girl as I read.

_When I got home from school today there was this woman sitting on the couch. She looked like Grandma but she was a little less grouchy. She said that she works with little boys and girls and their families. Mom and Bill went into the kitchen and we played Candy Land. I was having a good time with her until she asked about mom and Bill. I said it was ok living with them and that I missed my real dad. She asked me if I liked Bill. I know you're not supposed to lie but I said yes, then she asked me if anyone ever touched me. I didn't understand. She asked if anyone ever touched me in my private areas. Did someone tell? I was so scared I didn't want Bill to get mad or my mom to be upset so I just said no. When she left mom and Bill said we needed to spend more time as a family so I had to stay home afterschool for a while. I asked Casey the next day at school if she had called the police on me. She said no but I think she did. I didn't talk to her for a week but I couldn't stop forever she was my best friend. And she crossed her heart and hoped to die swore that she didn't. _

"Hmm," I absently muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mumbled realizing that I had spoken aloud.

Elliot looked up from his computer, "what's going on with you and Casey?"

"Nothing Elliot. I just feel awful for her. It's hard to see a colleague have to go through this." _I also know this is breaking her heart I thought to myself._

"Listen, let's go crash for a few hours, we'll meet back up in the morning."

"Yea you're right," I said grabbing my coat and bag. I pretended to straighten the things on my desk and waited until Elliot left. I tucked the journal along with two others into my bag, I knew I wasn't going to sleep tonight.

I sat on the couch and started to read again, I couldn't seem to get Cassidy out of my head. I continued skimming through the journal:

_Mom decided to go out on a missionary trip with the women from her church. I begged her not to go. She told me that I would have fun with dad but I knew I wouldn't. He came into my room to say goodnight and I told him that I didn't want him to rub my back but he said that mom would want him to. I really just didn't want him to touch me. This time he told me to lay on my back and he touched my front. I was embarrassed, mom and I had just gone to the mall and gotten me a bra because she said my breasts were growing, and I didn't want him to see. He touched me again but this time he went inside me, it hurt and I cried but he kissed me on the mouth and told me it was ok. But it wasn't ok it hurt so badly and I tried to push him away and he told me my mom wouldn't like that. I picked up the phone to call Casey but I hung up when I heard Mrs. Novak answer the phone. I was so embarrassed and hurt I couldn't tell her. _

I didn't realize tears were stinging my eyes till I felt them on my face.

I flipped the page and realized for the first time since Cassidy had gotten the journals she hadn't written on consecutive days. The next journal entry was written a week after.

_Today I won the 100-yard dash contest we had during PE. I beat all the other girls in the class including Casey. The coach asked if I thought about joining the team but I told him no, I knew mom and dad wouldn't like it. _

Gone were the carefree, honest passages I had found before, there was sadness to her writing. I flipped the page and was surprised when the next page was blank. I soon found that all the pages in the rest of the diary were blank. I picked up the next diary and looked at the date. Cassidy was now in tenth grade, I had gone through and put the diaries in chronological order, why had she waited so long to write again?

_I saw this journal at the Barnes and Noble when I was shopping with Casey I couldn't put it back. I don't know if it's because I miss writing in these things or because Casey batted her eye lashes at me and told me she thought it was beautiful too. I can't seem to say no to that girl. She's my best friend and I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to feel this way. We had kissed when we were younger but we were just playing—right? Plus she doesn't want me, not after everything with Bill. _

Like clockwork Cassidy began to write in the journal steadily, about twice a week. She said very little about her home life and wrote more and more about her school and Casey.

_Today I went to Casey's afterschool, mom says I've been so scarce lately but this house is the last place I want to be. It's a good thing my mom likes Casey's family, or I'd never be allowed over there. We were looking over our geography notes, and I moved onto the bed beside her to show her where to find the Rouge River. Before I knew it I just kissed her, it wasn't like the kiss we shared before. This time we closed our eyes and I actually knew what I was doing. I feel so stupid because I jumped nearly a mile when she ran her hands up my back. It just felt too familiar, but good too? Her lips are so soft and when we finally pulled back she had this blush on her cheeks. Best of all she told me that she had feelings for me too._

I continued reading completely engrossed in Cassidy's journal. I started to feel as if I was intruding the further I read and the more she talked about Casey. Their first kiss, their first time touching each other…

_Casey's parents went out of town and took Amelia with them, Violet went to some college party and that left Casey and me alone. We've been dating only six months but it feels like so much longer, we've been best friends forever. We both tried to play it cool but I caught her shaking a little. And I knew that Casey purposefully wore my favorite green shirt that showed her cleavage. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wearing my blue tank on purpose either. We started to watch a movie but basically ended up kissing. She pulled me on top of her and started kissing me. It quickly became more and she sat up and pulled her shirt off. I've seen her breasts before but Christ I thought I was going to die. She told me that she loved me and she wanted to have sex with me. I pulled her up to kiss her and said I loved her too. I had no idea what I was doing and I just wanted to make it special for Casey. I knew she would remember this forever. I tried to remember what Casey liked when we had fooled around but my mind went blank. It occurred to me that I was about to have sex with her, I had never touched anyone like that. I spread her legs and tentatively touched her, Casey jerked her body up and let out a loud moan. When my mouth touched her skin she nearly kicked me in the face, we laughed about that after, but when I first tasted her I thought I went to heaven. I told Casey it was my first time too but I wasn't sure that that was true do you count the times my stepdad touched me? I wanted to tell Casey but I couldn't she had given me everything and I wasn't going to ruin it for her._

I closed the journal and rubbed my eyes, it was six in the morning, I should be getting up. When I arrived at the precinct I wasn't even give the chance to sit down before Cragen barked at me to come into his office where Elliot was already sitting.

"I talked to Mr. Billings today, he and his wife will be arriving tomorrow. He was very unhappy to be harassed by my detectives while he was mourning with his family. I don't like my ass being chewed out so early in the morning detectives."

"We were approached by his neighbor and identified ourselves. That was it." Elliot barked from his chair. Cragen shot him a look that spoke volumes.

"Go talk to Casey, Olivia."

I walked back into the interrogation room where Casey was once again sitting.

"This is starting to become cliché."

"I know, sorry Casey. How are you doing?"

She regarded me carefully we were still trying to work on this whole friendship thing. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm ok. Violet staying with me is helping. We've been doing 'sisterly bonding'," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Feels like old times?"

"Ugh yes. Vi and I had to share a room when I was ten because my parents were fixing up my room, worst month of my life."

"Christ I can't imagine."

"You didn't bring me down here to reminisce."

I pulled out the colorful diary from the box Munch had given me to read the day before and slid it across the table. I watched mesmerized as Casey picked it up and seemed to stare at it in awe.

"Cassidy's diary," she smiled and gave a chuckle, "I was never allowed to read these. Best friend privileges didn't extend that far. She was very, very private about her diaries."

"Did she write in them religiously to your knowledge?"

"God yes, she used to say 'I have to go write that down!' it was her outlet."

"In all your years of being friends she never let you read it?"

"No, one time I was waiting in her room and found it under the pillow. But I put it back, I didn't want to invade her privacy."

"Casey, we found these in her apartment and we thought there could be pertinent information in them so I read through them."

She arched her brow, I knew she wanted to ask what I found but wouldn't betray her friend's trust. I decided to save her from asking.

"Casey, Cassidy describes some of the abuse by her father in her diaries."

Her lip trembled and she just nodded.

"Did you ever talk to her about the abuse after your mom called ACS?"

"No," she whispered letting the tears fall, "I never did."

"Casey it's not your fault." I said touching her elbow now that her hands were covering her face.

When she didn't respond to my touch I sat back and took a different approach. "After reading all her journals I feel like I missed out on an amazing woman."

She lifted her hands and met my eyes, "she was. She was my best friend and I loved her very much."

"It was evident she loved you too Casey. She wrote about you all the time. I can't give them to you but you can read them upstairs if you want."

"I just don't know." The battle raging inside of her was obvious.

"I think she would have wanted you to Casey."

She picked back up the diary and casually flipped through the pages. I could tell she had transported somewhere else as she silently regarded the book trying to silently decide if she should read it or not.

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><p>Let me know what you think!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Notes:

1. Thanks again for reading and reviewing, my steadfast reviewers- I appreciate you.

2. Sometimes it's funny how the stories we write morph into an autobiography of sorts. I've come to the conclusion that this story is part fact and part fiction. :)

3. I don't own any characters from L&O SVU.

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><p>"<strong>It was evident she loved you too Casey. She wrote about you all the time. I can't give them to you but you can read them upstairs if you want."<strong>

"**I just don't know." The battle raging inside of her was obvious. **

"**I think she would have wanted you to Casey."**

**She picked back up the diary and casually flipped through the pages. I could tell she had transported somewhere else as she silently regarded the book trying to silently decide if she should read it or not. **

"Huang is coming to talk with us, maybe he could talk with you?"

I saw her defenses shoot up and braced myself for her wrath but was surprised when she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "yea I guess I should."

"I'll get you set up ok?" I said as I pushed back from the table and grabbed the box, as I turned around at the door I told her, "take your time ok? No rush."

Casey came out of the room and silently went upstairs. When Huang came into the squad room I pointed upstairs and mouthed "Casey."

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><p><em>(Casey's POV)<em>

When Huang found me I was deeply engrossed in Cassidy's journal. "Casey?" he asked as he touched my shoulder.

I looked up, my eyes trying to focus, I really just wanted to fall back into the security I felt reading Cassidy's journal. I knew it was stupid but I felt a sense of security back then with her. It felt like we were kids again. I was so innocent, carefree when I was with her... so was she or so I thought.

"Hi, how are you?" I hadn't had much experience with George, honestly he made me so nervous, like he could see right through me and my defenses.

"I'm good. You?"

I scoffed, "you want the real answer or the one I've been telling everyone?"

"I want a truthful one."

"Cassidy was my best friend growing up. I loved her. She was my first kiss, she was the first person to ever touch me intimately. I miss her tremendously."

George looked at my face and said what I wasn't—"and?..."

"I let her down, I didn't help her when I should have."

"Help her how?"

"Her step dad was molesting her, she made a comment when we were in fifth grade and my mom called ACS when I told her. I lied and told Cassidy I didn't tell because she got in trouble. I should have done more."

"Why?"

"Because I knew!" I said angrily tossing the journal on the table.

"Why didn't you tell anyone else?"

"I didn't want her to be mad, I didn't want to selfishly lose my best friend."

"Did it occur to you that you might have saved her?"

"Saved her?"

"She had a horrible home life Casey. You gave her the outlet she needed, a place to escape, to run to, to hide. I think that you were one of the sole reasons she did survive."

"I was a coward. I let my best friend be abused because I was too scared."

"It's not going to happen overnight Casey, but you have to realize this isn't your fault, I'd be more than happy to help you."

"I don't know how to not feel guilty," I whispered, letting my words hang between us.

He reached out and touched my hand, watching me very carefully. "I know, but it isn't your fault."

I took a deep breath and tried to smile as I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, "my head knows that but my heart can't accept it."

"Tell me about Cassidy."

I was slightly taken aback, "what do you want to know?"

"Anything."

I couldn't help but smile, I knew he was shrinking me but I answered anyways, "she was always writing in these damn things," I laughed as I picked up the journal, "it was her baby. She never let anyone read it."

Unprovoked I continued babbling, "and, when we were kids we were always trying to do the stupidest things. We once built this raft, if you could even call it that, and tried to float down the creek behind our school. It floated and we considered it a success and then I jumped on, then Cassidy did and the raft just came apart! Oh god, we returned home and we were soaking wet!"

When I looked back up and met George's eyes I realized I was crying and laughing at the same time. I wiped my eyes, "I must sound like a psychopath."

"You sound like someone who lost their best friend."

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><p><em>(Olivia POV)<em>

Cragen beckoned us back into his office around seven, I knew he didn't want chance Casey hearing from the loft. I looked upstairs and saw Casey still engrossed in the journals, I sighed a feeling of relief and followed Elliot inside.

"Tomorrow Mr. and Mrs. Billings will be coming in for an interview. Go home, and be prepared for tomorrow I don't want any problems. We know this involves Casey and it makes it sensitive but it's not going to help her if we screw up."

I knew I should heed Cragen's warning but I found myself walking upstairs to the loft. I didn't want to bother Casey but she was so engrossed in the journal when I found her, she didn't notice me until I sat across from her.

"Oh hey, sorry."

"No problem. How are you?"

When I saw her defenses start to shoot up I interjected, "honestly."

She took a deep breath and tried to smile, "I'm ok."

"How about I take you home?"

"I can call Violet."

I leaned over the table and whispered, "it's hard to start a friendship when you don't let me in."

"Sorry, you're right. Dinner?"

"I know you're grieving and if you want me to take you home I'll understand."

"No I'm sick of being home. Let's go somewhere."

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><p><em>(Casey's POV)<em>

It was an odd feeling not walking the blocks of New York City after work alone. I fell into an easy stride with Olivia as we silently walked towards a Chinese restaurant. She didn't speak until I slid into the booth across from her.

"I used to come here with my suite mate when I was in college," she said as she looked around the room, "not much has changed."

"No?"

"Still a hole in the wall with amazing food."

"Hmm, it better be I haven't eaten much all day."

"Eating in a place like this can make you believe in God."

I couldn't help but laugh at her, "So college brought out religion in you Olivia?"

"Hell no."

"You?"

"No. I was always pretty steadfast in my beliefs and opinions, but college definitely opened my eyes. That saying, "the more I see the less I know," really rang true for me. In a way it helped solidify my beliefs but it also brought on more questions." I thought for a moment before finishing, "kind of like working in Special Victims."

"I understand, sometimes we have this schema and we fit the events of our life into it and then you witness something so horrendous it won't fit no matter what. And you're left to pick up the pieces of what you thought you knew."

"I definitely went through that when I started here. I will never forget when I pulled that little girl from the cooler. Christ," I said shaking my head at the memory.

"It truly takes a while to adjust," when she saw the look on my face she laughed, "ok you never really adjust you just stop crying after every case."

The waitress brought us the check and two fortune cookies.

"Dutch?" I asked her as she grabbed the check.

"Sure," she gave a shrug and reached for her purse. We each gave our amounts and grabbed for the fortune cookies. Before she could break hers I reached over and stopped her hand, "wait," I obviously surprised her, so I smiled and sat back, "Vi and I have this rule that you have to add 'in the bed' at the end of your fortune."

She quirked her brows at me, "ok." She opened hers and turned bright red.

"Read it," I insisted eagerly.

"Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far… in bed."

I nearly fell off my chair laughing at her. Olivia was flush down to her chest as she quietly chewed the cookie, trying to act nonchalant.

"Fuck you, Casey," she mumbled as she tossed the wrapper at me.

"Fine, fine. I'll read mine now," I said soothingly as I opened the wrapper and broke the cookie.

I could feel myself turning scarlet from the roots in my hair to my feet "happiness is an inside job… in bed."

"This is the last time I get fortune cookies with you Novak."

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><p><em>(Casey POV)<em>

When I unlocked the door Violet was laying in the low light of the lamps in the living room half covered by a blanket.

"Casey?" Violet sleepily asked when I shut the door.

"Hey, Vi," I whispered as I walked into the living room. I sat on the edge of the couch and pulled up the blanket she was tangled in up to her neck.

"Where were you?" She asked trying to shake some sleepiness from her voice.

"I went out to dinner with Olivia."

Her green eyes opened and showed some clarity as she said, "what?" I stopped her from sitting up with my hand on her back.

"I actually had a good time," I whispered as I rubbed her back watching as her eyes closed again.

"Good Case. I'm so glad," she mumbled sleep starting to take over.

"Um, thanks for pushing me to go," I said softly continuing to rub her back.

I paused and looked at my hand on Violet's back. I fell into Cassidy's memory from the diary and immediately pulled my hand back. I started to wonder about the times we had been intimate and wondered why she didn't tell me. Did I ever remind her of him? My hand instinctively went to my mouth and I choked on my sob. The dots began to connect and a memory of Cassidy and I suddenly became painfully clear.

_We were in my room my parents had gone away for the weekend again. She was laying on the bed and we were fooling around like normal we were beginning to get comfortable with each other. Everything was fine until I told her to lay back and relax and pushed her backwards. She just stopped, her eyes were slammed shut and tears were falling from them, I immediately sat up and asked her if she was ok. She nodded but I slowly removed my hands from her body and asked her again. She just bit her lip and accidently let a sob escape._

_"Cass, what's wrong?" I asked as I scooted back from her she just seem to need air._

_"Nothing, sorry." She said frantically wiping her face and trying to smile._

_"Baby, what's wrong?" I tried again as I dared to get a little closer to her._

_"Nothing, I'm just on my period sorry."_

_I looked at her quizzically, "what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. I promise. Um, can we just cuddle?"_

_When I didn't answer right away she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the bed with her so I was spooning her. I wanted so badly to ask what happened but I had never seen panic like that in Cassidy's eyes before._

As the memory faded I walked into my room. I didn't even bother taking off my clothes I just laid in bed and cried against my pillow.

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><p>Review Please!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note:

-So prior to posting this I had a good chunk written, as I've continued writing I've fine tuned it, and now there's no more prewritten parts :(. So, the next chapter might take a little longer because it isn't completely finished (who knows). And I'm definitely looking for comments/suggestions- I really read and respond to every review and take it into consideration. A lot of times people say something that I didn't even think of.

-Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Much love to you all.

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><p><em><strong>When I didn't answer right away she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the bed with her so I was spooning her. I wanted so badly to ask what happened but I had never seen panic like that in Cassidy's eyes before.<strong>_

**I didn't even bother taking off my clothes I just laid in bed and cried against my pillow. **

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><p>(Olivia POV)<p>

"Mr. and Mrs. Billings," Cragen announced, "this is detective Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler." We all awkwardly shook hands and Elliot opened the door to allow the couple into the interview room first.

"Have you found something about our daughter's killer?" Mr. Billings asked.

"We are still investigating her death Mr. Billings."

"What can you tell me?"

I sat down across from them and looked at Mrs. Billings. "I understand that she was your only daughter Mrs. Billings?"

I watched silently as Mr. Billings' eyebrows shot up, and he answered for her "she was our only daughter, yes, detective Benson."

Interesting. I pretended to flip through the file and pulled out Cassidy's birth certificate. "It actually appears that Cassidy wasn't biologically yours Mr. Billings."

Annoyance was coming off him in waves when he calmly replied; "I adopted Cassidy after Estelle and I were married."

"But she retained her real father's last name?" I asked knowing I was pushing his buttons.

"We thought-"

"Estelle, please," he interrupted rudely holding up a hand, "we thought it was best she retain his name."

"What is it you do Mr. Billings," Elliot asked.

He flashed a 100-watt smile, "I am a preacher detective Stabler. I recently became the preacher at Our Lord and Savior, upstate."

"We wanted to move closer to Cassidy, I missed my little girl," Estelle said off handedly. As if realizing she spoke out of turn she turned pink in the cheeks and bowed her head slightly.

He put his arm around her and smiled, "we did miss our little girl, that is one reason we moved to New York."

"Did you tell Cassidy you were moving to New York?"

"No, we just bought the house and were going to call after we had closed on it. We didn't want her to get her hopes up."

I looked at Elliot, neither of us believed that bullshit.

"Did you call her often?"

"Yes, my wife called Cassidy weekly. We knew she was very busy with her work."

I decided to tempt fate a little and asked, "was Cassidy seeing anyone?"

"Oh heavens no, Cassidy was so busy with her work she never had time for dates." Estelle said waving the thought away with her hands.

I wondered if Cassidy had ever told her mother she was gay or if Estelle just chose to ignore what she was told.

"Do you know anyone who would hurt her?"

"No, everyone loved Cassidy. Plus Casey Novak, her childhood friend lived here too, in the same apartment building. They were the best of friends. They watched out for each other."

Mr. Billings watched as Estelle delivered the speech about Cassidy and Casey and smiled, "Estelle darling, why don't you go get a cup of coffee, I'll finish this up with the detectives then we can go home."

"Oh, ok sweetie." She obediently stood and walked out of the room.

"Detectives, I don't want to upset Estelle but her friend Casey Novak, she wasn't always the best influence on Cassidy. They were friends before I met Estelle but I always had a feeling about her."

"Oh?"

"Their house wasn't always filled with Christian values as ours was."

On that note I stood up and forced a smiled, "I'm going to go make sure your wife found the coffeemaker."

"I understand Mr. Billings," Elliot said, leaning conspiratorially over the table, "I often worry about my children's friends even though they go to a Catholic school."

"Ah, I knew you were a man of Christ. Just between us, I had heard she was somewhat out of control. That she was a lesbian." The last words were spit from his mouth.

"Thank you for your candor Mr. Billings, we'll be in touch."

"Please, call me Bill," he said shaking Elliot's hand enthusiastically.

"One last thing Bill," Elliot asked as they approached the door, "where were you on Friday night?" Elliot faked a pained smile, "sorry it's mandatory we ask."

His smile faltered but quickly slid back into a snaky smile, "I was with my wife. We had a quiet night in."

I watched Mr. Billings help Mrs. Billings put her coat on and lead her outside. When Elliot turned towards me I rolled my eyes. "What did he say when I left?"

"He said that Casey was a bad influence and she was a lesbian. He could barely get the word out."

I rolled my eyes at him and sat down at my desk.

"Oh speaking of, did Casey say she was going to come in and read the journals some more?"

"I don't know El. I'll call her," I picked up my phone and dialed the number that was beginning to feel familiar on my fingertips. It rang and rang but no one answered.

* * *

><p>(Casey POV)<p>

"Cassandra?" I faintly heard above me as I rolled over and put the pillow over my head.

"Hey, get up it's eleven in the morning."

"Go away Violet," I said pulling my arm from beneath the covers and batting it in the empty space above me.

"Ca-SSANDRA," Violet whined as she climbed in to lay next to me on the bed.

I peeked out from the pillow, "what? I really don't feel well."

The kidding disappeared and she frowned, "what's wrong Casey?"

I came out from my cocoon of pillows and blankets and laid on my back, "they found Cassidy's journals in her apartment."

"Oh." She said reaching over and stroking the hair from my face.

When I turned towards her I knew I was on the verge of crying, "she, um, she talks about the abuse in them Violet. Olivia let me read a couple. She said I can read them all if I'd like."

Violet pulled me into her arms and kissed my forehead, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

><p>(Olivia POV)<p>

I hung up the phone without leaving a message, I figured I would try again later. When I looked up I saw Huang standing next to my desk.

"How's Casey?" He inquired quietly.

"I just tried to call her but she's not picking up. Honestly I thought she'd be here bright and early to finish reading the journals."

He surprised me by putting his hand on my shoulder, "I think she just needs some time Olivia."

"I know, I just-"

"Ok let's go over what we have," Cragen said stepping over to the board set up with pictures, dates and a timeline.

* * *

><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

After much prodding and poking I agreed to move myself to the couch. Violet had threatened to all out drag me there so I complied and carried all my blankets with me and plopped down. I was nearly covered in my blankets, only my head was visible.

When she came in carrying two cups of coffee she laughed and almost spilled the cups on the carpet. "Christ do you remember when we used to drag all our blankets into my room and make a pile on the floor. We'd then take turns jumping off my lofted bed onto the "blob." You're like a human blob with those blankets. Dad was so incredibly pissed when he came home and saw you push Amelia off."

I smirked at the memory she had brought up, "guide—not push, and yea dad didn't think it was that great but I blame Amelia because she fell wrong and broke her arm."

"Yea, dad didn't think it was funny when he had to take us all to the hospital so they could put a cast on Amelia's arm." She set the cups down and snuggled under the covers with me. We laid in silence, two human "blobs" floating in a sea of thoughts.

"You know it doesn't take away from what you two had, emotionally, physically…" Violet whispered as I snuggled closer to her.

I buried my head deeper into her shoulder and ultimately into the blankets.

She kissed the top of my head, now the only part of me that was visible, and thought aloud, "you remember Brett Thomason?"

I giggled under the blanket remembering it was Violet's crush when she was a sophomore in high school. He was cute but in that geeky way that most girls never gave him a second glance.

"Shut up," she said putting her head on mine, "I lost my virginity to him when I was a sophomore."

I furrowed my brows under my blankets and peeked up, "I thought you lost your virginity to Bobby Stuart."

Dreamily she continued, "Brett told me he was a virgin too, he told me that he loved me. We had sex that night."

"Why didn't you tell me Vi?" I asked almost completely emerging from the blankets and sitting up.

"I was embarrassed, I thought that he loved me but the next day, the next day he completely ignored me."

"Oh Vi." I said softly.

"He told me, after I cornered him that now he would have "status," that the guys would respect him now because he was able to bed me."

I pulled Violet into my arms and held her as she cried softly.

"I'm not trying to compare your situation to mine, I know it's different… I just want you to know that you can tell me anything." She took a deep breath, "I never told anyone that before."

"How did you get Brett not to tell?"

She laughed in the mist of crying and a hiccup came out, "I told him I'd cut his balls off if he told anyone it was me. He told the guys that it was a girl from Stevenson that he had sex with."

I sat silently, playing with her hair. When I finally spoke it was barely above a whisper. "I read in the journal that the first time we had sex, she was all concerned for me," I said with a small smile, "She felt that she wasn't able to offer me her virginity… because of all that Bill had done."

"Oh Casey," she whispered pulling me into a hug. She remembered when Casey came and told her how special that night was for her.

We sat in silence for a while on the couch until Violet threw the blankets off us, "it's too hot. Listen, I'm going to go to the store we're in desperate need for food. I'll grab something for dinner ok? You hang here." She kissed the top of my head before heading to change her clothes.

"Fine," I complied stretching out on the couch.

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><p>Review!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Author's notes:

-Thanks for reading and reviewing as always!

- This first part is written in 3rd person, I am not a huge fan because I think it can get confusing but I needed to because I wanted each character to be able to describe their thoughts. Bear with me- sorry. :(

* * *

><p><strong>We sat in silence for a while on the couch until Violet threw the blankets off us, "it's too hot. Listen I'm going to go to the store we're in desperate need for food. I'll grab something for dinner ok? You hang here."<strong>

**"Fine," I complied stretching out on the couch.**

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><p><em>(3rd person POV)<em>

Casey turned on the tv and tried to drown out her thoughts. She heard a knock at the door, six o'clock damn, Violet was fast. She rolled her eyes and laughed, "Violet stop being a baby I am not going to help you carry in the groceries you didn't help me last time," she called as she opened the door sporting a huge grin.

"Fuck," Casey muttered when she saw Olivia her face falling, "sorry, Vi went to get food I thought you were her."

Olivia looked her up and down and Casey suddenly realized that she was wearing a worn out t-shirt with no bra and shorts—damn Violet for making her change before crashing on the couch. "Uh, come in." Casey said holding the door for her.

Casey followed her into the living room and fumbled with the blankets that were strewn on the couch and floor.

"Uh, were you and Violet having a slumber party?"

"No um, we were camping out on the couch… I guess."

"Everything ok? I can come back. I, um, just wanted to check to see if you were ok. I thought you'd be back to the precinct today."

Casey picked at her nails and sat on the other side of the couch, "um I just needed a break from the journals. I don't know if I can read them."

"I'd be lying to say they aren't tough to read."

"Did you talk to Cassidy's parents today?"

"Yea," Olivia answered carefully, Casey knew she couldn't say too much, "what an ass," Olivia said with a smile as if reading Casey's thoughts.

"Ugh I know, growing up I hated him. I refused to go to Cassidy's house after they got married. It was a rarity for me to be there."

"Cassandra Anne Novak open the door!" They heard from the hallway.

"Coming Vi," Casey called as she walked to the door.

When she opened it, Violet walked straight into the small kitchen and set the groceries down with a thud.

"God, this asshole cut in front of me in line and he had a million groceries. Then his debit card wouldn't work so they had to call a manager. And then they didn't have Hazelnut cream cheese or onion bagels. I was so annoyed-" she turned around and stopped when she saw Olivia.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was over."

"Not a problem, New York City is overrated."

"You got that right," she said laughing as she continued to put away the groceries.

"I'm going to go grab a sweater, be right back." Casey called as she walked towards the bedrooms.

"Olivia?" Violet whispered as she motioned for her to come into the kitchen.

"Hey, I really appreciate you coming over. Um, but Casey had a really hard time last night and I just don't want her to do something she's not ready for."

"What happened?"

Violet noncommittally shrugged she knew that Casey was trying to be friends with Olivia but the protective part of her took over, "it was just bad. She hasn't been out of those clothes all day since I forced her to change out of yesterday's clothes this morning. Last night she fell asleep fully clothed and crying. She's really hurting."

"I know Violet, I-I just want to make sure she's ok."

"I know sweetie," Violet said softly as she touched Olivia's shoulder, "but I know Casey. She's lost in this whole thing. Just don't push her to talk, ok?"

"Vi? Olivia?" Casey called as she walked into the living room and found it empty.

"In here Case," Violet called as she threw a bag of frozen corn at Olivia, "freezer please."

"You're forcing Olivia to help now? Poor Olivia," she said shooting Olivia a sympathetic look as she took the corn from her. "Let me do this," Casey said opening the freezer door.

"Um actually," Olivia said meeting Violet's eyes while Casey fiddled in the freezer, "I'm going to get going."

Casey closed the freezer door and looked between us, "um you don't have to go. We were just going to eat. You're welcome to stay."

"No, no actually Cragen just wanted me to stop by and make sure you're ok. I have some paper work to finish.

Casey's face fell at her comment and immediately her defenses were back up, so this was a pity friendship. That explains a lot. "You know what, you should go," Casey said a little more forcefully and without another word went to the door and held it open for Olivia. "Talk to you later."

Olivia walked to the door trying to figure out Casey's sudden change, "um bye, call me tomorrow."

"I'll do my best," Casey said coldly.

* * *

><p><em>(Olivia's POV)<em>

I couldn't figure Casey out, why the sudden change. Resolved I went back to the precinct to catch up on some work.

I was surprised to find Elliot at his desk hunched over the computer as he tried to read the small print. I told him he needed glasses but he denied it… I knew he'd eventually have to cave.

"Kathy still mad?" I questioned as I laid a hand on his shoulder, dipping my head down and reading the computer screen.

"Something like that."

"Why are you back? I thought you were going to go talk to Casey."

"I was, but her sister told me she had some kind of panic attack last night and to leave her alone."

"Violet said that?"

"Yea, I know. I was really surprised."

"I wonder what happened," Elliot questioned aloud.

"She just got really cold too, she said 'I'll do my best' when I said to call me," I shrugged my shoulder as I sat down, "I thought we were becoming friends."

Elliot leaned back in his chair, "maybe it's the journals."

"Could be, she said she didn't know if she wanted to read them anymore."

"I've been thinking about the Billings," he said as he handed me the file he put together on them.

"Yea? What about them?" I asked as I took the file up and flipped through it.

"He said he was with her the whole night... do you really believe that?"

"No, did you look into it?" I already knew the answer, he was Elliot Stabler after all.

"How long have we been partners?"

"Shut up, what did you find?"

"Well he had a meeting with the deacon board that night that Cassidy and Jennifer were killed."

"So he went out before their night in?" I asked playing devil's advocate.

He smirked holding his cards close to his chest, "any thoughts _detective_ Benson?"

"Indulge me Stabler," I said beginning to be annoyed by his smirk and wanted to wipe it off his face.

"Ahh, see we do become wiser with age. I wondered if there was a meeting at the church."

"Was there?" I asked flipping back through the file.

"Yes, but our preacher had to leave early after receiving a call from his wife."

"You don't say?" I said cockily.

"Yep, so detective Stabler, what is your theory?" I asked leaning on my elbows and whispering conspiratorially.

"I think that she maybe went to visit Cassidy and found Jennifer there, maybe she saw them walking up and kissing, she calls Bill and tells him. He panics if that gets out then he loses his clout as a preacher with a gay daughter. So he goes there, loses control and kills them."

"And what proof do you have to your theory?"

"Ye of little faith," Elliot scoffed at me, "Evelyn Billing's cell phone pinged off three towers and her location appears to be in Cassidy's apartment complex."

I opened my mouth to comment but he held up a finger, "and there is a photo of Mr. Billings coming into the city using the toll road."

"They don't call you a detective for nothing."

"I think we need to have a conversation with Mrs. Billings."

* * *

><p><em>(Violet's POV)<em>

"What was that about?" I asked as I watched Casey shut the door with a little more force than necessary.

"What?"

"Between you and Olivia."

"I'm not in the business of being a pity friend, you heard her," she scowled as she mocked Olivia, "Cragen asked me to come see if you're ok."

Uh oh.

"Casey, you're overreacting," I tried gently.

"You know, I really was starting to like them," she spoke mostly to herself as she walked into the living room.

* * *

><p>Review please!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes:

1. Thanks for reading as always. I try to always respond to reviews, I didnt get the chance this time sorry. But I appreciate everyone reviewing! PLEASE keep reviewing!

2. I've been dutifully trying to update daily.. this chapter I'm a tad unsure about.. hopefully you all like it. Really. :)

xo MH13

"**I'm not in the business of being a pity friend, you heard her," she scowled as she mocked Olivia, "Cragen asked me to come see if you're ok."**

**Uh oh.**

"**Casey, you're overreacting," I tried gently.**

"**You know, I really was starting to like them," she spoke mostly to herself as she walked into the living room.**

(Olivia's POV)

Elliot and I drove up to the Billings' home, upstate a few days later. We had been anxious to go talk to Mrs. Billings sooner but the temporary ADA insisted we be able place one of the Billings' in Cassidy's apartment. We hit the jackpot when we found a box of chocolates under the couch that had Mrs. Billings' fingerprints on it. We didn't want to alert Mr. Billings of our new find and have him lawyer up so we thought it was best to try to talk to Mrs. Billings. Maybe she could give us some information, we pegged Mr. Billings for the murder and we figured Estelle was just covering for him. I stayed silent and let my thoughts absorb me. Elliot interrupted my thoughts, "do you think Mrs. Billings knew that Cassidy was gay?"

"I don't know how she didn't. But then again she seems a little… delusional."

"Pot to kettle," Elliot quipped at me.

"What?" I asked punching him in the arm.

"I think you're delusional about Casey."

"Because I'm gay I'll sleep with anything that moves and has a vagina?"

"No," Elliot said laughing, "I just know you."

I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window.

When we arrived there was a car in the drive and prayed it was Mrs. Billings'. When we knocked on the door we were greeted by a very nervous Mrs. Billings, "detectives, hi, um can I help you?"

"We had a few questions."

Her face fell and uncertainty cross her features, "well—well Bill isn't here."

"That's ok, Mrs. Billings," Elliot said directing her to the couch.

"Estelle, please call me Estelle." She said fidgeting her hands.

I softly spoke to her, "I'm so very sorry Estelle. I can't imagine losing a daughter."

"I miss Cassidy very much. I was so happy to be moving closer to her, Bill, he was hesitant but I missed my baby so much."

I slowly rubbed Estelle's back as she continued speaking, "I knew she was safe here. But I missed her."

"You knew she was safe?"

She meekly smiled, "yes, her friend Casey Novak. They were best friends growing up, when we moved to Connecticut she took Cassidy under her wing."

"Estelle," Elliot gently pressed, "can you tell us about the night of the murder?"

She stilled her movements and slowly answered, "what about it?"

"Well you and your husband had a night in?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" I asked treading lightly.

"Yes…" she said, careful not to meet our eyes.

"Estelle we looked at your cell phone records and saw you were in the city."

She back pedaled slightly, "well actually, I went shopping in New York City before our night in."

"Did you visit Cassidy?"

Her eyes fell to her clasped hands and she tried to smile, "I went-"

"Estelle darling?" We heard Bill call as he closed the front door behind him.

"Detectives?" Bill questioned as he approached the group. Estelle quickly wiped her tears and stood up to kiss her husband.

"Hi sweetie," she said helping him take off his jacket and taking his briefcase.

"Estelle, why don't you go start lunch while I talk with the detectives."

"Of course," she said slipping from the room.

"Detectives I appreciate you wanting to quickly solve my daughter's murder but my wife, she isn't stable enough to deal with all of this. I'm going to have to ask you to come to me with any questions or concerns. I would be happy to meet you at the precinct with my wife and our lawyers."

Elliot's face tightened and I did my best to keep calm, "of course Mr. Billings, we'll be in touch."

"Estelle, walk the detectives out please," he said summoning her to the living room again.

(Mr. Billings' POV)

"Estelle?" I angrily called to her as she stood at the door watching the detectives leave.

"Estelle!" I yelled louder my anger capsizing as she timidly walked back to me, her head down.

"Don't you ever, EVER talk to the police without me again," I siad pulling her head up as my hand instantly struck her across the face.

"You started this and now it's finished. Don't fuck this up." I said as I walked out of the house, I was in no mood to stay for lunch. I had some business to attend to.

"I'll be back in a hour, I don't want you talking to anyone," I called over my shoulder.

(Casey's POV)

"Hello?"

"Casey?" It was barely a whisper.

"Est- Mrs. Billings?"

"Estelle, darling. You know that."

When I first had met Cassidy and her mom, she told me to call her Estelle. After she married Bob Billings things had changed and it suddenly wasn't comfortable anymore.

"Estelle," the word felt odd on my lips, "it's good to hear from you."

"I'm sorry it's been so long."

"How are you Estelle?"

"I miss her so much Casey," she said her voice breaking.

"I know Estelle, I miss her too," I said trying to soothe her over her crying.

"Casey," her voice becoming a little frantic, "I need to tell you something. Can we meet for lunch?"

"Sure Estelle, when?"

"Thursday?" She whispered.

I turned into the old Casey and scrambled tying to figure out how I'd manage to move my appointments in two days, then realized I didn't need to. I chuckled to myself.

"Of course, why don't you come here."

"Ok bye, sorry." I dumbly held the phone against my ear, listening to the dial tone. Something didn't feel right, I hovered my finger over the redial button but decided against it.

(Casey's POV)

I was halfway through watching Judge Judy, with Estelle lingering on my mind, when Violet sat heavily next to me on the couch. "So there's this guy... I went to college with.. he's in New York City for a conference…"

"Oh?" I said with a smirk.

"Well he invited me to dinner."

"Dinner? You don't say?"

"Yes. Dinner." She retorted mocking my tone.

"So you'll be home sharply at midnight?" I knew the look on Violet's face and enjoyed watching her squirm.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"In it's entirety."

"I won't wait up for you Vi," I called over my shoulder as she went to get ready.

An hour later I was still sitting on the couch and Violet plopped down beside me. She was dressed in a midnight blue dress that looked amazing on her. "Hey."

"Hey, you look really nice Vi."

She chewed on her nail and looked at me, "are you sure you'll be ok?"

I knew Violet was feeling guilty, she hadn't left my side since she arrived. We had become a lot closer, which came as a shock to both of us. I took her hand from her mouth and kissed it, "I promise Vi. You've been amazing to me, I want you to go have a good time."

She chewed on her lip, "you sure?"

"Go. Let me live vicariously through you, well except for the whole penis thing."

Violet made a face that spoke volumes, "ew. There was a time when we played for the same team."

I rolled my eyes at her, thinking of Charlie I quipped, "I've always been bouncing between teams Vi. I love you, now go."

She looked back from the door unsure, "GO!"

(Olivia's POV)

The whole drive back we were silent, letting our anger simmer just below the surface. When we arrived back to the precinct Munch tempted fate with a joke and pushed Elliot over the edge.

"Fuck off Munch," Elliot spat at him.

"Calm down boy."

Elliot slammed his fist into his locker. Hearing the commotion, Cragen came out of his office, "what the hell?"

"We started talking to Estelle Billings only to be interrupted by Mr. Billings."

I took a deep breath and blew it out, "she was about to admit being there."

"We have her there with the evidence…"

"We wanted her to turn on her husband, we know he did it!" Elliot nearly screamed.

"Go home Elliot," it wasn't a request it was a demand.

Elliot grabbed his keys and stormed out of the room.

I took a deep breath and slid into my chair. Cragen came over and put a hand on my shoulder. He was always a fatherly figure to me and I felt comfort in his touch, "go home Olivia," he bent down closer to me and whispered, "please."

When he walked back into his office I slowly slid my chair back and grabbed my coat. Without a word I walked to the elevator. I didn't want to go home, honestly I wanted to be anywhere but home. I walked around the city aimlessly. I looked up and found myself in front of Casey's building.

I climbed the stairs to her apartment wondering with each step why I really came. Maybe Elliot was right. I shook my head and I looked at my watch, it was a little late but I saw the light coming from under the door. I hesitantly knocked, I promised myself that if she didn't answer after one knock I'd leave. I waited, trying to convince myself that I didn't really want Casey to answer the door.

OOh Will Casey answer? What did Mr. Billings mean? Read and Review! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note is at the bottom :)

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><p><strong>I climbed the stairs to her apartment wondering with each step why I really came. Maybe Elliot was right. I looked at my watch, it was a little late but I saw the light coming from under the door. I hesitantly knocked, I promised myself that if she didn't answer after one knock I'd leave. I waited trying to convince myself that I didn't really want Casey to answer the door.<strong>

* * *

><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

A very unimpressed Casey opened the door. She held it open about two inches, shielding herself behind it. "What?"

"What happened the other day?" I knew it was dumb, beyond dumb- fuck 'insert foot into mouth Olivia' I thought as I reprimanded myself.

"Did you get sent here by Cragen again?" she asked.

"What? Wait, what?" Was I a broken record? I shook my head and tried again. "I don't understand Casey, what's going on?"

"Listen I don't need you to be my friend. I have plenty of friends here. Just because my best friend died doesn't mean I need you to sidle up into her place especially as a request from your commanding officer to get information."

"What?"

"Forget it Olivia," she said as she started to close the door.

I had it, all the stress from the day burst from me and I slammed my hand on the front of the door. It startled Casey and she stumbled backwards opening the door wider.

"Casey, shit!" I said walking into the apartment.

"Leave Olivia," she hissed.

"No. Talk to me Casey. Violet told me you were really upset and you needed time. I just want—"

"Violet said what?"

I stopped short and frowned, "she said you had a panic attack and I needed to leave you alone."

"And that's why you left?"

"Yea."

She pushed the door closed with both her hands flat against the wood and sighed.

"Casey?" I asked putting my hand tentatively on her shoulder.

She laid her head on her hands, she was really starting to worry me. I put my hands on both her shoulders, expecting her to push me off but instead she flattened herself against the door, farther away from my touch.

She whispered something and I leaned in to hear her, "what?"

"I'm so embarrassed."

"Why?" I asked.

When I got no response I took Casey into my arms. She fought me slightly but I just held her tighter. I whispered soothingly in her ear.

She let out a quiet sob and fell apart in my arms.

When she calmed down she laid her head on my shoulder and whispered, "I shouldn't have treated you that way last time you were here. I didn't know Violet told you to go."

"You didn't want me to go?"

"I had a panic attack the night before and Vi, she was just trying to protect me."

I slowly rocked us and rubbed circles on her back. I was pulled out of my reverie when she slowly pulled back.

"I am really sorry Olivia. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's ok Casey. I understand. Why don't you go to bed, we'll talk tomorrow."

"No, no Olivia it's late. Stay. You can sleep here, I'll sleep in the guest room."

"No, no it's fine.

"Please."

"What about Violet?"

"She's out tonight," she said with a smirk.

"Nice, Violet."

"Yea, so just stay ok? I'll sleep in what's become Violet's room."

"You sure Casey? I can go it, isn't a problem." I really didn't want to leave, especially knowing she'd be alone.

"Please I've made an ass of myself, just let me do this."

When I just held up my hands in defeat she said, "I'll grab you some pjs, come on."

I followed her into her room and was slightly surprised to see it a little messy. When I had taken her to her room the other night the lights had been off and I didn't have time to appraise the room. It was minimal but homey. Casey blushed slightly as she toed a bra under her bed, "sorry, since I haven't been working my housekeeping skills have diminished."

She tossed me some shorts and a t-shirt and grabbed some for herself.

"I'll let you change, I'll be back in a few."

When Casey closed the door behind herself I quickly changed into the clothes. I folded my work clothes and put them on the dresser. A photo caught my eye and I picked it up off her dresser. The picture was of Casey and her family. It was a family photo where the girls were all dressed in coordinating outfits each a different shade of green. I had never seen Casey's dad before and I wasn't surprised to see he was tall, dark and handsome. He had black hair with green eyes and stood about six feet tall. Her mother was petite with red hair that was shoulder length and curly with piercing green eyes.

"Olivia?"

I carefully set it back down, "coming sorry." I said as I opened the door for her.

"I grabbed some sheets to change the bed," she said slipping into the room and changing the sheets quickly.. I watched her bundle the dirty sheets in a ball and smiled. I figured you're tired and just want to crash."

She walked to the door and turned around in the doorway, "hey, I'm really sorry."

"Don't be."

"Night."

I slipped into the bed and pulled the sheets up to my chest. I felt guilty as sin, but I inhaled deeply, smelling her scent on the sheets.

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><p>(3rd Person POV)<p>

Casey looked at the clock for the third time and saw it still read 3:05, she had tried every trick she knew to lull herself to sleep and nothing was working. She counted sheep, she counted backwards from one hundred all the way to back to zero, the only think left was warm milk. And considering she was lactose intolerant that one was off the table.

Fed up she kicked the covers to the end of the bed and started looking around the room. Her eyes fell on Violet's suitcase, it was open and had clothes thrown all over it. Casey wasn't a neat freak by any means but figured folding clothes is boring and it would surely put her to sleep. By the time she folded all Violet's clothes and rearranged them in the suitcase she was more awake than before. She opened the door and tip toed into the kitchen. As quietly as she could she started to make tea, when the water finally boiled Casey mindless dipped the tea bag into the mug, bouncing it in the water.

She thought about Cassidy, wondering where she was right now. Casey wasn't completely sold on the idea of heaven and hell. But wished her to be somewhere where she was happy, actually she wished her to be here. Cassidy's death had brought on a sudden bout of self-awareness in her. It's an age-old expression of 'live your life like there's no tomorrow', but having someone so young, so close to her killed turned her beliefs upside down. She thought about all the things she said, the things she didn't say but should have, the words she could never take back.

"Casey?" Olivia whispered.

"Huh?" Casey asked startled and almost spilling her drink.

"You ok?"

"Yea, sorry I was just thinking."

"Something in particular?"

Casey pursed her lips, "no," she lied, she was still feeling raw from their earlier mishap.

Olivia leaned her hip against the counter and questioned Casey with her eyes.

"I'm fine, how are you?" Casey asked carefully drinking the hot liquid.

She shrugged, "I'm fine."

"Uh, want to sit?" Casey asked motioning towards the living room.

"Sure."

They sat in silence for a while, each in their own thoughts. Olivia broke the silence, surprising Casey, "do you think you'll come back and finish reading the journals?"

Casey held the cooling cup in her hands, "I don't know. I want to but it's … hard to read."

Olivia made a sound in her throat of understanding, words didn't really need to be exchanged between the two of them.

"Did you find any more journals?"

"No, do you know why she stopped writing after the abuse started?"

"No, she became a different person. I wish I had known that was the cause. I remember telling my mom how hurt I was that Cassidy was being distant but she told me that it was a phase. And then when Cassidy finally came around I figured my mom was right."

"How did she act different around that time?"

Casey sighed, "Hindsight is always 20/20. Now looking back I remember we had both gotten bras prior to her distancing herself from me and I remember we showed each other because we were so excited. We bought the same kind of pads because we thought we were _that_ cool. Then it changed, she didn't want to talk about that anymore. She wouldn't change in front of me anymore. She wore baggy clothes."

"Casey-"

"Please,"she held up her hand, "if one more person says it's not my fault I'll explode."

"Have you seen Huang?"

"I plan on it," Casey said evasively.

Olivia didn't want to push but she knew it would help Casey, "I think you should go."

Casey rolled her eyes in the darkness, "you, Vi, my parents, Huang himself."

Olivia closed her eyes as she spoke, "it's really helped me."

Casey didn't need to ask for clarity, she knew what Olivia was saying, she was taken aback by her admission, "really?"

"Really."

Olivia put her hand on Casey's knee, "go to bed ok? We'll talk tomorrow."

Casey nodded and uncurled herself from the couch. She took her time washing her cup, letting her hand slice through the hot water as she thought about Olivia's admission and ultimately her advice.

* * *

><p>(Violet's POV)<p>

I snuck in the house just before five and tip toed into Casey's room, she was turned the other way, rolled up in the blanket, snoring lightly. I fell onto the bed, onto my back with a huge smile on my face, "Christ Casey, I know you haven't been with a man since Charlie, but God! He was SOO good, I swear I came like four times. And he did this thing with his tongue... I know lesbians think they know it all when it comes to oral sex, but-" I put my hands behind my head smugly and looked over at Casey, except—fuck. "Oh my god! Olivia! I am so sorry. Wait, why are you in Casey's bed? Where's Casey?" I said frantically sitting up.

"Violet," she said trying to calm me down, "she's fine, she's in your room."

"Um why are you here?"

"I came to talk to her."

"Oh shit..." I said looking away from her knowing the truth had come out from the other night, "I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I didn't mean to ruin your friendship but she's my sister I have to protect her."

"Violet I understand, really." she said holding up her hand.

"I am sorry. I can see you are a good person and mean a lot to my sister. And I just want her to be happy and herself again."

"Thanks, me too."

"And err... sorry about the oversharing…" I said blushing.

"I'm glad you had a good time," she said laughing, "and for the record lesbians corner the market on the whole tongue thing," she added winking at me.

I smiled back, but stored that nugget of information for later. "I'll let you get back to sleeping, I'm really sorry."

She yawned into her palm, "actually I need to get up."

I looked at the bedside clock, "it's five fifteen."

"The curse of a detective. We don't have 'regular' hours," I said holding my fingers in quotations.

"I understand, ditto with a freelance graphic designer."

"Do you want to have some coffee?"

"Yea, that sounds great, I'll go make it since you don't know your way around the kitchen."

She pulled the covers off of herself and slowly stood. I noticed she was wearing Casey's t-shirt and shorts. I walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Olivia leaned against the counter and watched. I pulled the cream from the fridge and the sugar off the counter and laid it next to her. As the coffee pot slowly dripped I pulled out two cups. "I haven't wanted to ask in front of Casey, and I've seen enough tv shows to know you can't say much but, what can you tell me about the case?"

You could almost see the tug of war of loyalty pass over her face as she tried to figure out what to say.

"We talked to the Billings' yesterday. We believe that they are involved."

"They?"

"Yea, why?"

"I just, remember Estelle growing up and it's hard to fathom. But you're the detective not me."

"Does Casey know yet?"

"No, I haven't told her. I really don't know what to tell her, what not to tell her. I know that this is just so hard for her."

I respected Olivia as a person, and as a detective but I began to feel slightly territorial of my sister. I appreciated Olivia watching out for her but I was weary of the detective. Where was she when Casey was calling me daily crying because this job was so difficult and the detectives were cold to her?

I nodded and turned to the coffee pot, I poured her a cup and handed it to her, doing the same for myself.

As if sensing it was best to move on, Olivia asked, "so are you still doing freelance work from here?"

"Yes, I'm thinking about moving up here," I said with a shrug.

"I think Casey would like that a lot."

"Don't say anything, I haven't talked to her yet. I don't want her to think I'm babysitting her or intruding on her territory."

"Nah, if she says no, you can come live with me. I always wanted a younger sister."

"You don't want Vi as a sister, she has a nasty side," Casey said walking into the kitchen while pulling her hair into a ponytail. She grabbed the cup in Violet's hand and took a sip, "Too hot," she squeaked out.

"What are you Goldilocks? Get your own."

Casey rolled her eyes and grabbed a cup. I noticed Olivia's eyes drawn to my sister's exposed midsection as she reached on her toes for a cup.

* * *

><p>AN:

1. I'm always saying I like things to progress organically and I hope it came out that way. Suggestions are _always_ welcome :)

2. Review! Let me know if you like this new turn of events between the ladies.


	10. Chapter 10

Hi! Thanks for reading! I hope you like this chapter.

By the way- I am not a doctor, I have NO training in the medical field. If my information is inaccurate - let's not fret- it's fanfiction after all.

"**You don't want Vi as a sister, she has a nasty side," Casey said walking into the kitchen while pulling her hair into a ponytail. She grabbed the cup in Violet's hand and took a sip, "Too hot," she squeaked out.**

"**What are you Goldilocks? Get your own."**

**Casey rolled her eyes and grabbed a cup. I noticed Olivia's eyes drawn to my sister's exposed midsection as she reached on her toes for a cup.**

(Violet's POV)

"I should get going," Olivia said setting the cup in the sink.

"Thanks for coming over last night Olivia."

"I'm glad we all straightened it out, I'll keep you ladies up to date on the case." Olivia said as she walked into the living room to get her jacket.

"How was your date last night? Casey asked as she blew on her coffee.

I blushed, "good."

"Aw don't be so timid Violet," Olivia laughed walking back into the kitchen.

Casey looked between them confused.

I groaned and turned red, "I thought it was you in your bed this morning and I shared with Olivia about my date last night."

"Do tell."

"I had a nice time."

"That's not exactly what you told me," Olivia said as she started to button her jacket, she was loving the rapport between the women.

Casey raised her brows and lowered her voice, "hmm… come on Vi. Do tell. You know it's been a while," Casey said laughing.

I slid my eyes to where Olivia was buttoning her coat and saw her falter slightly with the button. "Bye, thanks. Talk to you later," Olivia said as she let herself out.

Casey twirled her hand in the air, "so tell me about this guy."

"His name is Ryan Morris. He was this guy from college. He's two years older than I am. He's right now involved with an organization called Doctors Without Borders. He goes back in a couple weeks. We might go out again before that."

"You like him." It was a statement not a question, god she knew me so well.

"Yea, he's a good guy."

"And the sex?"

I let my eyes roll in the back of my head, "Christ Casey. You're missing out. The things he did with his penis not to mention his tongue."

She frowned at me, "lesbians have cornered the market on oral sex Vi, it's a known fact. You're the one missing out."

I furrowed my brows

"What?" She asked.

"Olivia said the same thing."

"Really?"

"Is Olivia gay?" I asked playing dumb. I wondered how much she actually knew about Olivia Benson.

"I don't know, I've never asked." She furrowed her brows, as if the idea just crossed her mind for the first time, "do you think she is?"

"I don't know." I said biting my lip, it certainly wasn't my place to out her.

(Olivia's POV)

I went home and changed and quickly returned to the precinct, coffee in hand. When I sat Elliot looked at me, a question in his eyes. I opened my email and started reading, "got a staring problem Stabler?" I asked, my eyes never leaving my computer screen.

He sat back and scratched his chin, "you're happy. You look well rested."

"Gee you really know how to woo a girl," I said taking a sip.

Not phased by my comment he smirked, "you either have an amazing cup of coffee or you fucked Casey."

I choked on the coffee and lowered my voice, "funny Stabler. Neither, this is the shit from the vendor downstairs and I didn't, as you so eloquently put it, fuck Casey."

"Why the good mood?"

"I talked with Casey and it we figured things out, it was a misunderstanding."

He reclined in his seat again I felt the big brother talk coming on so I held up my finger, shaking it, "don't it's not like that."

Elliot held up his hands, "don't shoot I'm unarmed!"

Cragen interrupted our sibling bonding moment by sticking his head out of his office, "Benson, Stabler, go see Warner she wants to talk to you."

Like reprimanded children we stood and silently walked towards the elevator. When we arrived at the morgue I couldn't help feeling the somewhat unusual bustle of the morgue around me making me a little uncomfortable.

"Hey," Melinda said not looking up from the chart she was writing in.

"Uh, you look a little swamped," Elliot observed.

She rolled her eyes, "there was an accident on the toll roads, a teenage driver wasn't looking at the road. Hit three vehicles, which in turned hit two more. Huge back up, of course the teen doesn't die, walks away almost unscathed but a family of six dies. Four other people were seriously injured, one in critical condition at Mercy."

"Christ," I whispered.

"Yea, so sorry I haven't been able to give you much. The extended family of the family killed are irate, understandably so, and want to autopsies done. Anyways, your victims," she said pulling out two charts.

She stepped back into the corner a bit, shielded behind a few cabinets and away from the other techs, "I heard the new ADA Casey Novak was involved."

Slightly taken aback I spoke first, "she knew both the victims, did you find something that indicates she was at the murder scene?"

"No, there are some of her fingerprints in the apartment, but nothing that links her to the murder. Her fingerprints were in the bedroom, and living room, the common areas."

"What can you tell us about how they were murdered?"

"Cassidy appears to haven been hit under the chin and then fell to the floor, she must not have had time to catch herself because her head bounced off the wooden floor. Jennifer, however, it isn't as clear. I believe that she was crouching down by Cassidy, perhaps protecting her, and she was kicked repetitively."

"Excuse me?"

"The murderer kicked her, in doing so she was knocked unconscious, it appears she hit her head against the floor too. She eventually aspirated on her own blood. She was raped, as was Cassidy. She didn't die right away, but since she was left on her back aspirating killed her if the other injuries didn't."

"So she might have lived if she hadn't aspirated."

"Possibly, she had damage to her vital organs, but being left on her back after being raped and left unconscious didn't help her."

"Did you find anything from the rape kit?"

"No, no hairs, no semen. It appears that the women engaged in oral sex prior to being killed, I found saliva on Cassidy's genitals. There was also a pair of underwear in the living room that were Cassidy's."

"I also told you I found the box of chocolates under the couch with Estelle Billings' prints on it. Well I called the company and it's a chocolate company called Kermit's Fine Chocolates that is located upstate. They said that the chocolates are made daily and they recognized Estelle from coming in that day."

"Well aren't you the detective Melinda," I said laughing.

"Watch out I might take your job."

"Oh detectives, I did find bleach in the apartment, whoever was there tried to clean up."

(Olivia's POV)

Cragen paced in front of our board that displayed all the information we had. "We need to talk to Estelle Billings. We need to get her to flip on Bill Billings."

"Can't," Elliot said simply, "he told us that if we wanted to talk to him or her then they'd meet us here with their lawyers."

"Yea, he was angry when he saw us there," I piped in.

"If I may," Huang interjected, "Bill Billings is a man who likes control, he controls his wife, he controlled Cassidy, he is a preacher where he has control over the congregation. Take away that control."

"How?" Elliot asked uninspired by Huang's words.

"Confront him with some evidence, leave Estelle in there too. She may be robotic and under his control but the love of her daughter, I believe, will trump his power over her."

"Do you think Estelle had something to do with this, I mentioned to both Casey and her sister Violet and both saw her as weak and under his control."

"I don't know how involved she was but she knew something."

"Go pick them up."

Elliot impatiently knocked on the door, Estelle's care was in the driveway but Bill's was no where to be seen. I pushed him back and tried myself, "Estelle," I called soothingly, "please we need to talk."

We heard a moan and I turned the knob, it was unlocked. I shot Elliot a look who shrugged and we entered the house.

"Estelle? Where are you? Are you hurt?"

I nodded my head up towards the stairs and Elliot took them two at a time. We found Estelle laying in her nightgown laying on the floor. I crouched down to touch her and she moaned and turned her head, as she did I could see the bruise on her cheek, it was angry and red. She started to cry and tried to cover herself, as she moved she moaned in pain.

"Stay still Estelle, it's ok. We're calling an ambulance," I noticed that her thigh was also covered with healing bruises, "oh Estelle."

She sobbed as we covered her and waited for the ambulance, refusing to speak to us. I rode in the ambulance, followed by Elliot who was close behind with his lights blaring.

They wheeled her away from us at the hospital and we sat and waited. "Do you think they've called Bill yet?"

"I hope not, I want to talk to her first. You know he fucking did this."

"Detectives?"

We stood and followed the doctor, he stopped outside Estelle's door and spoke softly, "she is ok, she had a lot of bruises and a broken arm. She says she fell and it broke but looking at the break we know she's lying. She's very upset, I have to ask you to be quick and to try not to upset her."

We nodded and entered the dim room, "Estelle?" I called softly into the room alerting her I was here. She turned the other way and remained silent except for the quiet sobs.

"Estelle we know he hit you, we want to protect you. He killed Cassidy, please don't let him kill you."

She sobbed harder at my statement and put her hands in front of her face. Elliot met my eyes over the bed.

"I know you're upset but you need to tell us what happened Estelle, we need to protect you."

She sat up, gasping as she jolted her bruised body, "leave me alone. Now!"

I stood and followed Elliot out. "I don't want Bill near her. We need to know what's going on."

"Let's bring him down to the precinct."

When we walked into the waiting room we saw Bill talking to the doctor, without hesitation Elliot walked up to him and turned him around, "you have the right to remain silent…"

To my surprise Bill stayed silent the whole ride back to the precinct. We sat him in the interview room and approached the small group of Cragen, the temp ADA Morgan, Huang and Munch.

"Billings is here."

"Mind if I observe?"

Review please!

We're getting to the nitty gritty! Any guesses on what happened? I'd love some opinions and suggestions.. PLEASE :D


	11. Chapter 11

Hi! So you might get two alerts on this.. I posted it then realized I forgot something :(.

Please let me know what you think!

* * *

><p><strong>To my surprise Bill stayed silent the whole ride back to the precinct. We sat him in the interview room and approached the small group of Cragen, the temp ADA Morgan, Huang and Munch.<strong>

**"Billings is here."**

**"Mind if I observe?**"

"No we'll need your advice," I said following them.

Huang stopped me as I went to follow Elliot inside, "wait, I think it might be better for Elliot to go in and talk to him first."

* * *

><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

"Hello?"

"Casey?" It was barely a whisper.

I felt déjà vu as I heard Estelle's voice, "Estelle?"

"Casey, please I need you to come down to the hospital."

"Hospital? Where are you?"

"Mercy General."

I raced down to the hospital and didn't make it past the security guard outside Estelle's room.

"I'm ADA Novak I need to see Estelle Billings."

"Sorry, no one can come in."

"Please."

When he didn't budge I stormed off, I knew exactly where I was going.

* * *

><p>(Elliot's POV)<p>

"Bill," I said entering the room alone.

When I didn't receive an answer I sat across from him and waited.

"I don't have anything to say until my lawyer gets here."

I shrugged nonchalantly and paced around the room.

* * *

><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

Cragen sighed and went back into is office followed by ADA Morgan.

I stood next to Huang watching Elliot through the mirror. "How's Casey?" He asked.

"She's ok."

"You know I'm a psychiatrist right?"

I looked at him sideways, "…yes."

"We've seen each other enough professionally and personally for me to know something's going on."

"Ok,"

My eyes followed as Elliot as he paced around Bill in the interview room.

"Olivia…"

"I'm having these feelings…"

"For Casey," he finished for me.

I shook my head I wanted nothing more than to drop this, "Elliot needs me."

Huang opened the door for me and followed me in I didn't think he was going to give up so easily.

"Mr. Billings, you know Detective Benson, this is Dr. Huang."

"I have nothing to say until my lawyer gets here."

"That's fine, we've already talked to your wife. She's spoken enough to put you away for murder."

He let out a monstrous laugh, it shook me to the core and I did my best to not show it outwardly.

"Impossible. You think her hands are clean in this?"

His words stunned all of us into silence.

* * *

><p>(3rd Person POV)<p>

Casey came running like a bat out of hell into the squad room, Munch stood as soon as she stopped to look around.

"Woah, Casey. What's wrong?"

"Where's Cragen?" She asked franticly.

"He's in his office, watching Benson, Stabler and Huang in the interview room. Why?"

Casey didn't answer Munch's question but walked to Cragen's office and pulled the door open, she didn't let the door close before she spoke.

"Why is Estelle in the hospital?" She nearly yelled as Cragen stared through the glass. Without turning his back he turned off the sound and said, "sit Casey."

"You've been looking at Bill all along, you didn't think to protect her?"

"According to Bill Billings she's involved."

Casey fell into the chair, "what?"

Cragen looked into the broken face of Casey. She was so young, I could already see that tarnish on her spirit from being here after such a short time. He knew he hadn't always been fair to her.

Cragen sighed and sat beside her, "Billings just implicated Estelle in the murders. I don't know anything else Casey," he said putting his hand on her knee.

"I don't understand."

"Did you talk to Estelle," he asked

"When I got to the hospital they wouldn't let me see her so I came here. I should have known better."

"Why?"

"She called me a couple days ago and said she needed to urgently talk to me."

"Did she say why?"

"No, she just said it was urgent. We were supposed to meet today for lunch."

* * *

><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

We were pulled out of our shock when Bill let out a soft laugh, "I guess now a days they let anyone do this job."

"How are Estelle's hands unclean?" Huang asked.

His demeanor changed instantaneously and a smiled spread across his lips, "I could never betray my wife's trust."

"But you don't mind beating her to a pulp." Elliot angrily spat back.

"Did my wife say that?"

We all remained silent and he smirked, "didn't think so, my wife loves me very much, she knows her place is beside her husband."

I blew out a breath and left the room, Huang followed behind me finally trailed by Elliot. Elliot let the door slam with a loud echo sounding in the small room.

"I want to talk to Estelle, NOW-" Elliot seethed as he stalked around the room.

Cragen interrupted Elliot's rant as he peeked into the room, "how'd it go?"

"We have to talk to Estelle."

He leaned against the door and frowned, "listen, Casey came running into the my office, I told her that he implicated Estelle. She's really upset not to mention furious we didn't protect Estelle."

"We didn't know!" Elliot yelled, letting his anger surface.

"Evidently Casey received a call from Estelle a few days ago saying she needed to talk to Casey."

"What?" I asked, I couldn't help but feel a little betrayed that she hadn't told me.

"Go to the hospital and talk to Estelle."

I bit my lip, "what about Casey."

All three heads turned to me, "I'll keep her here," Cragen offered.

"Ok, I just thought maybe Estelle would talk to her…"

"Let's use that as a last resort ok? I'll take care of Casey, you go to the hospital with Elliot."

When I walked out with the group of men I couldn't help but glance at Casey who was sitting in Cragen's office her head in her hands.

"Give me a sec El," I said touching his back gently and walking to Cragen's office. I shut the door behind me and saw the men curiously looking at me. I crouched down in front of her and put my hands on her knees. "Casey?"

"I couldn't help Cassidy, I didn't help Estelle from that monster and now," she hiccuped, "now he's blaming her."

She grabbed my hands in hers and pleaded with me, "please talk to her, I know she didn't do this."

"I promise Casey," I said allowing her to pull me into a hug.

When she pulled away I said as gently as I could, "Casey, is anything else you need to tell us."

"I don't know anything else, she just said we had to meet."

"Ok, let me call Violet?" I took her cell phone and waited for Vi to pick up.

"Hey, it's Olivia. Can you come to the precinct?" I looked down at Casey who was picking at her fingers, "yea. Ok see you in a little."

"Casey, stay here and wait for Vi ok?"

* * *

><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

I nodded to the security guard standing in front of Estelle's door, he allowed us into the room. As we approached Estelle appeared to be sleeping, I didn't believe for a second she was truly sleeping. I laid my hand on hers and felt her stiffen.

"Estelle, we talked to your husband."

* * *

><p>Oooh... review please :)<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

I can't tell you how SCARED I am to post this! I want this to be so good! It is the climax after all. Please tell me what you think! I wanted to really capture the emotions of the Casey, Estelle, Violet and I hope it's not over the top.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Give me a sec El," I said touching his back gently and walking to Cragen's office. I shut the door behind me and saw the men curiously looking at me. I crouched down in front of her and put my hands on her knees. "Casey?"<strong>

"**I couldn't help Cassidy, I didn't help Estelle from that monster and now," she hiccupped, "now he's blaming her."**

**She grabbed my hands in hers and pleaded with me, "please talk to her, I know she didn't do this."**

"**I promise Casey," I said allowing her to pull me into a hug.**

**When she pulled away I said as gently as I could, "Casey, is anything else you need to tell us."**

"**I don't know anything else, she just said we had to meet."**

"**Ok, let me call Violet ok?" I took her cell phone and waited for Vi to pick up.**

"**Hey, it's Olivia. Can you come to the precinct?" I looked down at Casey who was picking at her fingers, "yea. Ok see you in a little."**

"**Casey, stay here and wait for Vi ok?"**

**I nodded to the security guard standing in front of Estelle's door, he allowed us into the room. As we approached Estelle appeared to be sleeping, I didn't believe for a second she was truly sleeping. I laid my hand on hers and felt her stiffen. **

"**Estelle, we talked to your husband."**

* * *

><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

"He accused you of killing her."

When we received no response but a muffled gasp, Elliot and I waited ten minutes. He finally nodded his head towards the door and we stepped out of the room. He looked at me and said what I was dreading "call Casey."

"Elliot, I don't think she's going to talk to her."

"Olivia."

I sighed and picked up my phone, I dialed Casey's number and tried to figure out what to say as I heard the phone connect and ring.

"Hello?" Violet asked

"Hi Violet, it's Olivia," I looked at Elliot who was watching me intently, "can I talk to Casey."

"No."

I was stunned, "what?"

"No, she's really upset. You aren't going to play this game with her. This tug and pull is killing her."

"I know but Estelle won't talk to us, I think she will talk to Casey."

"You want her to endure having to talk Estelle, and uncover the truth for you?"

"It's not like that Violet."

"You know, I was beginning to really think you cared about my sister, I see the way you look at her and I thought maybe, just maybe you really do care about Casey. But no, you just want her to close your case for you."

"Violet, please let me speak to her."

"If I have to see my sister crumble one more time at the hands of this investigation I am going to lose it Olivia."

My heart ached for Violet, even more so for Casey, "Violet, Casey can't get closure until we know what happened. Whether you think I'm just trying to solve my case or believe that I really care about her is irrelevant what matters is justice for Cassidy and Jennifer."

There was a long pause, "I'll tell her you called."

"Than—" I started but was answered by the dial tone.

As I turned back to Elliot I shrugged, "she said she'd have her call me back."

* * *

><p>(3rd Person POV)<p>

When Casey awoke she found herself in bed with a pounding headache, "Vi?" she called.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Casey rolled her eyes and scooted off the bed, she pulled open the nightstand drawer and took out the aspirin she always kept there. As she started to slip the pill between her lips Violet said, "um Olivia called, I told her you'd call her back."

"I don't want to have a heart to heart with Olivia right now."

When Violet didn't laugh at Casey's retort she looked sideways at her, "what?"

"They want you to talk to Estelle."

"What?"

"She won't talk to the detectives."

Casey picked up my cell phone and started to dial, on second thought she stopped and hung up and called Cragen.

"Hello?"

"You wanted to speak with me."

Casey could only assume Cragen was surprised to hear from her because his voice faltered, "yes."

"What do you need?" she asked rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"We need you to talk to Estelle, she refuses to talk to Benson or Stabler."

Casey started to object but he interrupted her, "—I don't want her to take the fall for this."

* * *

><p>(Casey POV)<p>

I didn't speak to anyone as I weeded through the small crowd surrounding Estelle's hospital door. I felt Cragen behind me, barely an inch separated his body from mine, I put my hand on the knob and took a deep breath as I walked in.

I walked to her bedside and leaned over the bed, "Estelle?" I gently called.

She peeked up at me and breathed, "Casey, oh god Casey."

I sat down on the chair beside her bed as she took my hands in hers, I noticed her broken arm and I forced myself to meet her eyes, "Estelle I need you to talk to me. Cassidy needs justice and I can't get that without you."

She turned her head away and I put my hands around her face, "please, please Estelle I loved Cassidy, we both did. I can't let this man get away with killing her."

Her eyes welled up and she started to cry, I felt the tears run down her face into my palms.

"I – I killed her Casey," she said as the sobs wracked her body. I started to pull my hands away sharply, they all of a sudden felt as if they had been burnt by her words, but she grabbed my wrists holding me to her.

She locked eyes with me as she pleaded, "please, I didn't mean to, I love her."

I felt my heart sink to my feet as I asked "what happened?"

"I was bringing her chocolates, you know her favorite kinds are chocolate covered pecan bites, and I knocked on the door and there was a – a woman there."

"Estelle," I tried but she ignored me and continued.

"They invited me in and Cassidy was wearing a dress and it was short—where was my baby- Cassidy never dressed like that. And I walked into the living room and it was obvious what they were doing." She said her tears falling again.

"Estelle, Cassidy came out to you in high school," I took a deep breath and added, "we both did."

"But then you found Charlie, I thought she found someone too. You know with her dad… I just hoped."

I took a deep breath, "Estelle what happened that night?"

"Casey, please don't hate me, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry," she cried sobbing, I couldn't make out anything else through her sobs.

I pulled her into my arms and rubbed her back trying to soothe her. I wanted to comfort her but I also wanted to run, I was sick to my stomach at the thought of what she had done to her own daughter. I knew Estelle didn't have it in her to kill Cassidy I clung to the thought that Bill was behind this.

I pulled back and held onto her hands, "I need you to tell me what happened."

"They let me in and I just was so hurt when I saw what they were doing, Cassidy told me to leave and she grabbed my arm, I—I didn't mean to but I hit her with my elbow and she fell to the floor," true regret was in her eyes but it didn't erase the horror she just shared. "And then this woman was touching my daughter—she was comforting her," a scowl curled onto her lips as she continued, "this woman was taking my place and I knew Bill would be mad, I knew he'd blame me. So I kicked her, I felt such a sense of relief from the pressure in my body and I kicked her and kicked her again." She spit each word out as if reliving the action, when she finished a dream like smile replaced the scowl.

I knew disgust was visible on my face but I couldn't help it. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream at her but mostly I just wanted to cry.

I took a deep breath, "then what happened Estelle?"

"I called Bill, he came from his meeting. He told me to clean up anywhere I touched and not to come into the living room until he called for me."

"Estelle, you have to tell the detectives this."

"No, no," she begged grabbing my hands again.

When I saw the look on her face I was torn between sympathy and rage, "I'm sure if you work with the detectives they will help you."

I released her hands from mine and helped her lay back, I kissed her head and told her I'd be back. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and walked to the door.

When I opened the door I was greeted by the curious faces of my colleagues. I ran my hand through my hair and held up my hand, "she said she did it," I saw the look on everyone's face and begged, "can I just have some time?"

Surprising me Cragen spoke first, "sure Casey."

I knew that everyone was screaming inside, I knew there was a time crunch but I just felt sick to my stomach. I ran out to my car, fearful someone would come after me, and drove home. I met Violet at the door and fell into her arms crying. Everything I knew had just crumbled around me.

"She did it Vi, she killed her own daughter," I sobbed into her neck. I felt Violet stiffen and her hand stopped rubbing soft circles on my back.

"What?"

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><p>Review- Let me know what you thought! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome! :)<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Hi!

A few notes:

+ So this took forever because surprisingly I'm having a little trouble with it :(. So give me some love with reviews?

+ Melinda told the detectives that Cassidy couldn't brace herself when she fell and hit her head which killed her.

MH13

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><p>"<strong>I called Bill, he came from his meeting. He told me to clean up anywhere I touched and not to come into the living room until he called for me."<strong>

"**Estelle, you have to tell the detectives this."**

**When I saw the look on her face I was torn between sympathy and rage, "I'm sure if you work with the detectives they will help you."**

**When I opened the door I was greeted by the curious faces of my colleagues. I ran my hand through my hair and held up my hand, "she said she did it," I saw the look on everyone's face and begged, "can I just have some time?"**

**Surprising me Cragen spoke first, "sure Casey."**

**I knew that everyone was screaming inside, I knew there was a time crunch but I just felt sick to my stomach. I ran out to my car, fearful someone would come after me, and drove home. I met Violet at the door and fell into her arms crying. Everything I knew had just crumbled around me. **

"**She did it Vi, she killed her own daughter," I sobbed into her neck. I felt Violet stiffen and her hand stopped rubbing soft circles on my back.**

"**What?"**

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><p>(3rd Person POV)<p>

Cragen rubbed his hand over his face, breaking the silence in the room. "According to Casey, Estelle says that she killed both women. And Bill cleaned up her mess."

"Extreme emotional distress? Battered woman? Please tell me there's an explanation I can't imagine Estelle killing her own child."

"It's not the first time we've seen it done, it won't be the last," Elliot said shaking his head.

Cragen looked through the papers in the file, laying open on his desk, sighing he reminded them of the worst aspect of the case, "according to Warner both women were raped."

All our heads turned remembering, Olivia spoke first, "so he, he raped them."

"That must have been what she meant when she said he said 'he'd clean up.'"

"Do you think she knew he did?"

"Could you really not peek to see what was happening?"

We all remained silent, letting the thought roll over us, "I want to talk to Estelle," Elliot said.

"You think she's going to talk to us?"

"She needs to start talking we gave her a couple days. She either talks or she gets indicted for murder."

With that Olivia followed Elliot silently from the room.

When they approached Estelle's bed she was sitting up and we hoped a little more compliant.

"Estelle?"

"Hello."

Olivia pulled a chair up to Estelle's beside, "we talked to Casey and we know what happened."

The tears flowed down her cheeks and off her face, hitting the bedspread.

"Estelle you said that Bill said to go clean while he took care of the situation."

She nodded her head and sniffled, "I went into the kitchen and wiped up."

Olivia tried to gently pried, "you didn't look to see what he was doing?"

She worried her lip and shook her head.

"Estelle it's not helping you to lie to us."

She absent-mindedly touched her face where the bruising was as she shakily continued, "I wanted to know what he was going to do. I thought he was going to stage their bodies—but when I looked he was raping Jennifer."

"Did you say anything?"

"No, he didn't see me, and I couldn't. If I told him I saw him he'd tell the police I killed them."

"Did you see anything else Estelle?"

"After he raped Jennifer, he raped Cassidy. I thought I was going to throw up, he had this look of," she stopped mid sentence choking on her words.

"What Estelle?"

"He looked like he was enjoying himself."

Olivia sighed and met Elliot's eyes before asking, "Estelle did Bill ever abuse Cassidy when she was growing up."

When Estelle shrugged slightly Olivia was enraged and before she could stop myself she spoke through clenched teeth, "you knew and never did anything about it?" Before Estelle could answer Olivia walked out of the room and slammed her fist into the door of the women's restroom that was kitty corner from her room. How could Estelle know that Cassidy was being abused and not do anything about it!

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><p>(3rd Person POV)<p>

Violet sat at the kitchen table and doodled on the paper in front of her while she talked into the phone, "… well yea that was a lot of fun." She couldn't help the smile on her face.

Casey walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, she glanced over her shoulder and saw the smile on Violet's face. Vi looked up and tried to hide her smile, making Casey laugh. She grabbed her shoulders and started to make kissy noises and moan.

"Yea, can I call you back in a bit Ryan, my sister is hurt."

Casey turned around and frowned as Vi hung up, "no I'm not."

"You will be when in a sec," Vi quipped as she started to get up.

"Oh settle, settle and call your boyfriend back," she said laughing as she batted her eyelashes.

"He's not my boyfriend, he's an old college buddy."

"College fuck buddy," Casey mumbled as she sat down, "are you meeting him tonight?"

"No."

Casey could read between the lines and sat back in her chair, "why?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, don't feel like it."

"Bullshit. What's going on Vi?"

"Nothing, let's have a girls night. We'll watch movies and eat popcorn with M&Ms in it, just the way you like."

Casey folded her hands and put on her best prosecutor face, "what's really going on."

"Nothing, I don't want to go out tonight, ok?"

"No," a light bulb when off in Casey's head, "you don't need to stay in because of me. I'm fine."

"I know, but I want to," Violet finished looking slightly pained in the face.

Casey burst out laughing, "you can't even keep a straight face saying that!"

Vi rolled her eyes, "ok well, I just don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not, I'll have the tv remote in my right hand and a beer in my left."

"You know, Ryan has a girl friend," she frowned and corrected herself, "a girl that is a friend who is a lesbian… we could double date…" she let the sentence hang between them.

"No."

"Come on, no expectations, just a night out."

"Didn't you pull this stunt with Elliot and Olivia?"

"No that was a night out with colleagues this a night out."

Casey looked sharply at her sister, "I don't think sex is going to solve my problems Vi."

"I'm not saying that you are going to have sex with her, I'm saying it's a night out."

"No, but thanks."

"You're telling me that you aren't itching to just go out and have some fun?" Honestly she was concerned about Casey, she hadn't talked to anyone, besides Cragen, since seeing Estelle.

Casey blew out her breath, "what does she do?"

Violet had a shit-eating grin, "she's a doctor too. Pediatrics is her specialty."

"Come on, go, please?"

"Fine, you owe me."

"Yea, yea. I've saved your ass countless times so don't give me that."

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

I reached for my wine and was surprised at the smile I found on my lips. Isabella, I found was actually quite intelligent, witty and funny.

"So what is it you do? Ryan said you're a lawyer."

"I'm an Assistant District Attorney," I said with a smile, hoping she wouldn't ask anything else it wasn't exactly dinner conversation.

"Wow, what kind of cases do you prosecute?"

"I work with the special victims unit, I prosecute sexually based crimes."

"Wow, that must be so hard to see on a daily basis."

"You get used to it," I lied.

"Just like I get used to seeing children with horrific medical problems living in poverty?" She said with a smirk as she efficiently weeded through my bullshit.

Touché I thought, "sorry, it's become habit to say it."

She leaned in, as did I and I could smell the sweet wine on her breath, "it's ok, I do the same."

I was too captivated by her hazel eyes that I didn't pull back right away. When I realized I was hunched forward staring at her I shook my head and laughed, "well from one liar to another, cheers."

I watched Vi and Ryan walk towards his hotel and turned towards Isabella, "uh care for a nightcap?"

She smiled brightly, "of course."

I opened the door and turned on the lights, "uh you'll have to excuse the place, Violet is living with me and it's a bit chaotic. Have a seat, do you want another glass of wine?"

"Yea, I'd like that," she walked around the living room. When I returned with the glasses she was holding one of my softball trophies.

"I guess I fall into that cliché that all lesbians play softball. I just happen to be excellent at it."

"I bet," she murmured, "who's this?" She asked holding up a photo.

"My family, that's Vi, me, our sister Amelia and then our parents. They always made us take family photos where our shirts coordinated with different shades of the same color," I remarked rolling my eyes.

"It's cute," she said as she put the frame down.

I sat on the couch and she joined me.

"Do you know where you'll be going when you report back?"

"I believe Zimbabwe, no matter where we go we can only do so much."

I put my hand on her knee and squeezed, "I know what you mean, I feel that way about my job sometimes too."

She traced the top of my hand, watching my reaction before leaning in and kissing me. I fell into the kiss and attempted to ignore everything around me. I knew it was only temporary but I didn't want to think about anything. I wanted to pretend that my best friend hadn't just died, that her mom hadn't killed her, that I hadn't worked in what felt like forever I didn't want to feel anything but her hands on me.

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><p>Hmm. What did we all think? I'm not exactly happy with the part with Estelle...<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Hi! Sorry it's been so long I could say that I'm super busy, I have been, but it's more that I'm feeling a little unsure with this story. OK I dont often write smutty stuff.. so I pretty much blushed writing this first section even though it's PG13- be kind.

I dont own L&O SVU.

PS. case-oli- I'm a day late- please forgive me :) Thank you for reviewing and continuing to read!

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><p><strong>I closed my eyes and concentrated on her hands on my skin.<strong>

I cleared my head with a deep breath and smiled as I flipped our positions on the couch. I caught her bottom lip in my teeth, enjoying seeing her a little off balance from my bold move. I was sick of sitting on the sideline of my life. I couldn't seem to get control of anything and this seems to be a good fucking start. I smiled at my own inner monologue of wittiness and ran my hands up her sides, enjoying feeling her shiver beneath me. Isabella seemed to snap out of her shock and pulled me closer letting her fingers scratch the hair on the base of my neck as I straddled her lap. I moved from her mouth to her neck, lightly feathering kisses across her skin, I enjoyed watching her pale skin flush as I moved my mouth lower and began to unbutton her blouse. Her hands tried to gain purchase as she became disorientated and she slid her hands down my back and up the front of my shirt. I accidentally bit her neck when she reached my breasts and my nipples immediately hardened. She smirked when she realized the clasp was in the front and joyously unsnapped it and push it aside. She let her rough palms moved over my nipples and I gasped at the feeling. Her hands told of the time she spent working and created a friction that I couldn't help moan against. I bit her earlobe, "you better stop that," I whispered a little more breathless than I intended. My threat held little clout as I unabashedly moaned into ear as her touch became rougher, harder. I reached for the button on her pants and unsnapped it haphazardly.

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

When I woke I was slightly disoriented and realized I was wrapped in Isabella's arms. I glanced over my shoulder and I saw her sleeping form, I stiffened my body wondering what to say, one-night stands weren't something I did. Cassidy and I had an unspoken 'friends with benefits' understanding between us, and when I had needed sex I went there. She must have felt my stare because she stretched and kissed my shoulder, "sweetie, let's not make this awkward 'kay? I wasn't looking for romance." Surprised, I laughed and snuggled further into her.

I heard the front door being pulled open. "Hey Vi," I called from the kitchen alerting her that the coast was clear. I was currently staring into the fridge and happy for a distraction, seeing that we had no food and I didn't want to cook anything. Settling on a diet coke I slid onto the counter waiting for her to come into the kitchen.

She followed my voice into the kitchen and immediately looked into the fridge, frowning, she closed the door and sat beside me

"Lover boy didn't feed you?"

"Fuck off, so tell me about Isabella," she asked with raised eyebrows.

"Violet Novak, I do not kiss and tell."

"I think you did more than kiss and tell Cassandra Novak."

"It was nice, she's a sweet girl…"

"But?"

"Neither of us are holding are breath. We both had a nice time and that's that. How was Ryan and yours night?"

She looked at me sideways trying to gauge my true emotions about the night before answering, "it was good."

"You really like him, hmm?"

"Yea, I guess I do," she admitted kicking her feet against the bottom cabinets.

"How long is he going to be gone?"

"A year at the most."

"Did you talk about this?" I asked motioning my hands about.

"We're going to keep in touch, see where we find ourselves when he gets back."

I slipped down from my perch on the counter and grabbed her hands, "let's go to dinner there's no food here."

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><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

"You talk to Casey lately?"

"No, not since she talked with Estelle." I bit out as I continued to type.

"How is she?"

"I wouldn't know since I haven't spoken to her." My agitation rising quickly.

"When is she coming back to work?"

"Stabler I thought you were smarter than this. Obviously I was mistaken so let me repeat, I do not know since I haven't spoken to her." I knew he was trying to get me to talk I had been less than friendly lately.

"I heard they were releasing Cassidy's body."

That piqued my interest and I took the bait, "to who?"

"She had an aunt in Connecticut who they released it to."

"Oh, has anyone told Casey?" I asked trying to be nonchalant.

"I don't know, I don't think they were close. She's coming in later, if you want to talk to her."

"Yea, I'll do that."

As I tried to finish all my paperwork I thought about what I would say to this woman. I had talked to victim's families many times in the past but this was different, more personal. And I knew I was out of line but I had to let her know about Casey.

The minutes droned on and finally a short and stout woman with blonde hair walked through the doors of the squad room.

I slowly stood and smiled, "Hi, you must be Cassidy's aunt, why don't we go talk in the interview room."

She silently followed me and I could feel her eyes bore holes into my back.

When she sat down across from my she began without preamble, "I know that there is a lot of controversy but I just want Cassidy's body so we can lay her to rest."

"Of course. Are you holding the funeral here?"

She furrowed her brows in confusion, "no, in Connecticut, why?"

I knew I was overstepping my boundaries but I couldn't seem to control the words that came out, "Cassidy had friends here and we know that you didn't know her as closely as her mother…"

"All due respect detective, I am glad you solved the case but I'm not sure that's your business—wait is this about your colleague Miss. Novak? Estelle had said she moved to the City with a childhood friend that is now an ADA with your department."

"Yes, and she had other friends, colleagues."

"I just visited my only sister in a mental hospital so you'll have to excuse me if I don't care right now. I want to take my only niece home and lay her to rest."

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

Violet was sitting at the kitchen table when I emerged from my room, her eyebrows shot up when she saw I was wearing work clothes and carrying my pumps.

"Uh, you're going to work?"

"Yea," I said sliding into the other chair beside her.

"You nervous?"

"Apprehensive," I corrected as I slid into my shoes.

"Mmm," she murmured as she took another sip of coffee, "want to do lunch?"

"Sure, swing by around 12:30."

"You want breakfast?" she asked, I could see worry in her face.

"No, I'm going to go," I kissed the top of her head, "see you at 12:30."

It felt odd to hear my heels click against the floor and I tried to ignore the looks on my colleagues' faces. It wasn't like you could hide an absence from work, especially the way rumors flew around here. It didn't help that I was headed for Branch's office.

"Hello Regina, does Arthur have a minute?"

Before she could answer we heard, "come in Casey." I looked up and saw Arthur standing in the doorway. I smiled and walked into his office letting him close the door after me.

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

"How was work?"

"Eh, fine." I said squeezing the lemon into my water.

"Are we just going to sit here and pretend that there isn't a pink fucking elephant sitting here?" Violet asked sitting back in her chair.

"You're so eloquent when you speak Vi, you really should've been a lawyer." I said with a smirk.

"Subtlety isn't really a Novak trait, you know that Casey," she shot back.

"That's what I love about us."

She rolled her eyes and waited, I took a deep breath and centered myself. "I realized that this is a part of my life that will forever be ingrained in my memory. That I will never, ever get Cassidy back but this is just a moment in the grand scheme of things. I know Cassidy wouldn't want me to stop living my life, not when I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not over what happened with Cassidy by any means but I feel more at peace with it."

When I looked up I saw her with a slight smile, "What Vi?" I asked feeling a little vulnerable at my confession.

"I think Cassidy would be happy."

"Yea, me too."

After I said it I felt a sense of sadness emanate from my words, Violet reached over and covered my hand. I shook my head and gave a small smile, "So what have you done today?"

"I thought I'd look up apartments…" she said letting her words hang a bit.

"You don't want to stay with your kid sister anymore?"

"There's an apartment in your complex I think that's close enough."

"Why now? Why New York?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, I need a change."

I looked at her skeptically, "this isn't about Ryan is it?"

"Please Casey."

"You aren't saving yourself for him are you? Didn't you say he lived in New York City?"

She leaned over the table conspiratorially, "I think I'm past the point of saving myself for a guy Casey. That ship sailed in high school."

"I'm serious Violet."

"Casey, I've really enjoyed living here with you," she made a face and continued, "I like the city. Even more surprisingly, I like how we've gotten closer," she fakes a grimace, "my job is flexible I might actually get a job with a firm here. So why not?"

I rolled my eyes and took the check from the waitress. She laid two fortune cookies onto the table and Violet hastily grabbed one, cracking it open and munching on the cookie as she silently read.

"You know the rules, read it, aloud." I immediately thought of my dinner with Olivia and smirked, remembering the blush that traitorously crept up her neck. Things had been such a roller coaster lately and I regretted taking Olivia with me on the ride, she probably thought I was nuts. I knew I owed her an explanation it was just a matter of forming the words.

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><p>Review, please! Let me know what you think. Next time I'll try to not have such a loong time between posting but you have to let me know you're still reading my story! <em>Feedbackadvice/comments is much appreciated. _


	15. Chapter 15

I want to take a moment to say thank you to all the people who have been so patiently waiting and still reading this story. I moved across the country and took a job- which has consumed A LOT of my time, but it's worth it because I love it. Anyways, I hope that you will continue reading, but even more importantly give me honest, thoughtful feedback.

Thanks MH13

1. This wasnt beta's by my fave Heather- so all mistakes are mine.

2. I dont own any of the characters besides Violet of course.

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><p><strong>"<strong>How was work?"<strong>**

"**Eh, fine." I said squeezing the lemon into my water. **

"**Are we just going to sit here and pretend that there isn't a pink fucking elephant sitting here?" Violet asked sitting back in her chair.**

"**You're so eloquent when you speak Vi, you really should've been a lawyer." I said with a smirk.**

"**Subtlety isn't really a Novak trait, you know that Casey," she shot back.**

"**That's what I love about us."**

**She rolled her eyes and waited, I took a deep breath and centered myself. "I realized that this is a part of my life that will forever be in my memory. That I will never, ever get Cassidy back but this is just a moment in the grand scheme of things. I know Cassidy wouldn't want me to stop living my life, not when I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not over what happened with Cassidy by any means but I feel more at peace with it."**

**When I looked up I saw her with a slight smile, "What Vi?" I asked feeling a little vulnerable at my confession.**

"**I think Cassidy would be happy."**

"**Yea, me too."**

**After I said it I felt a sense of sadness emanate from my words, Violet reached over and covered my hand. I shook my head and gave a small smile, "So what have you done today?"**

"**I thought I'd look up apartments…" she said letting her words hang a bit. **

"**You don't want to stay with your kid sister anymore?"**

"**There's an apartment in your complex I think that's close enough."**

"**Why now? Why New York?"**

**She shrugged, "I don't know, I need a change."**

**I looked at her skeptically, "this isn't about Ryan is it?"**

"**Please Casey."**

"**You aren't saving yourself for him are you? Didn't you say he lived in New York City?"**

**She leaned over the table conspiratorially, "I think I'm past the point of saving myself for a guy Casey. That ship went down in high school."**

"**I'm serious Violet."**

"**Casey, I've really enjoyed living here with you," she made a face and continued, "I like the city. Even more surprisingly, I like how we've gotten closer. My job is flexible I might actually get a job with a firm here. So why not?"**

**I rolled my eyes and took the check from the waitress. She laid two fortune cookies onto the table and Violet hastily grabbed one, cracking it open and munching on the cookie as she silently read. **

"**You know the rules, read it, aloud." I immediately thought of my dinner with Olivia and smirked, remembering the blush that traitorously crept up her neck. Things had been such a roller coaster lately and I regretted taking Olivia with me on the ride, she probably thought I was nuts. **

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><p>(Olivia's POV)<p>

I didn't often keep my ear to the ground but when I had heard through the grapevine that Casey was back I couldn't help but be somewhat hurt that she didn't tell me. My head told me she was trying to readjust and deal with coming back, my heart mocked me for my unrequited feelings.

"Hey, I'm going to take this to Casey," I said scooting back from my desk.

"Morris, get your head out of the clouds, Benson."

Elliot obviously wasn't as well versed in the gossip scene, "you didn't hear? She's back."

He sat back and gave me a strange look, "good luck," he finally said.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was planning on saying, and before I knew it I stood in front of Casey's door. I didn't know where all this was coming from, I wasn't one to chase, to even really put dating on the forefront. Yet, here I found myself at Casey's door. I knocked but didn't get a response so I peeked inside. I furrowed my brows wondering where Casey was all her stuff was here. I started to walk into adjoining room and found Casey with her back turned, "Casey?" I asked?

She whipped around her hands frozen on the buttons just below her chest, the ones above undone, showing her smooth pale skin and blue bra. "Jesus Olivia!" Casey squeaked.

"I'm sorry, I was…" I said waving the file I was holding trying to find words and not stare at her reddening chest.

She turned around and I watched her arms haphazardly button her shirt up before turning back around. It was interesting to see Casey try to shift from embarrassed to a source of authority. Her still pink chest gave away her looming embarrassment. She walked towards her desk and sat down. I wondered if she felt a sense of authority and stability behind there, I silently studied her, when she looked up at me I knew I was right. Interesting. I started to realize even though I had gained some perspective in my recent friendship with Casey, there was a lot I didn't know. And it scared me even more that I wanted to know the Casey that was layered beneath the one we saw everyday.

"What can I do for you Olivia?"

"I wanted to drop off my files for you, uh, when did you get back?" I asked laying the files on her desk.

"Eh, a few days ago," she said struggling to regain her balance.

"I'm glad to hear that, Morris is a jackass."

I was happy to elicit a smile from her but her words that followed gave me some pause, "oh, pretty soon you and the other detectives will be mad at me because my hands are tied on a case."

I settled back before answering carefully, "you're right when it comes to work nothing is black and white and that often ties our hands and makes our emotions run high."

"Is that a preemptive apology?"

"Sure."

"Can I tempt you into dinner tonight?" I asked eyeing the M&Ms wrapper on her desk.

"I'm still getting into the swing of things, how about Chinese at my place?"

"Sure. Call me when you leave."

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

I toed off my shoes and lazily kicked them off, "Vi?" I called into the apartment.

"MMM?" she called from the living room.

When I walked inside she had a bunch of papers scattered around her and her old portfolio at the center of the mess.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought I'd update my portfolio."

I raised my eyebrows but only said, "K, I invited Olivia over for dinner, she's bringing food from Romano's. I ordered your usual. I'm going to change."

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><p>(Casey's POV)<p>

I heard the doorbell ring and assumed it was Olivia, I continued drying my hair with my towel as I opened the door.

"Hey," I said as I opened the door.

"Oh," I blushed coming face to face with Isabella.

"Um, hi. I was left something here… the other night."

I could feel Violet's eyes on my back and waved Isabella inside. "Come in," I said as I walked towards me room with her. "Be right back Vi."

When I closed the door behind me, Isabella gave me a light smile, "Listen I'm sorry to barge in, I just wanted to…" I interrupted her with a kiss.

"What happened to 'no strings attached?'"

"There aren't, I had a nice time before. I leave thought perhaps we could go out again."

"Hmm," I pondered, tapping my fingers against my chin. I was about to answer when she kissed me and we fell back against the door with a thud.

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><p>I would greatly appreciate feedback, suggestions- positive and negative (thoughtful ones) and other any comments you all have.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Hello! It's been awhile since I updated, so I'm excited to hear feedback! I think this part, although short, has been a long time coming!

Can't wait to hear!

I dont owe L&O SVU

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><p><strong>Casey's POV<strong>

**I heard the doorbell ring and assumed it was Olivia, I continued drying my hair with my towel as I opened the door.**

"**Hey Liv," I said as I opened the door. **

"**Oh," I blushed coming face to face with Isabella.**

"**Um, hi. I was left something here… the other night."**

**I could feel Violet's eyes on my back and waved Isabella inside. "Come in," I said as I walked towards me room with her. "Be right back Vi."**

**When I closed the door behind me, Isabella gave me a light smile, "Listen I'm sorry to barge in, I just wanted to…" I interrupted her with a kiss.**

"**What happened to 'no strings attached?'"**

"**There aren't, I had a nice time before. I leave thought perhaps we could go out again."**

"**Hmm," I pondered, tapping my fingers against my chin. I was about to answer when she kissed me and we fell back against the door with a thud.**

(Violet POV)

I heard a knock and unfolded myself from the couch, my focus still on the portfolio.

"Come on in Olivia," I said as I let Olivia in whose hands were full of take out containers. I took a bag from her and directed her into the kitchen.

Olivia looked around, "where's Casey?"

"Her friend stopped by, she'll be right out." I said as I took the containers out of the bag.

"Oh."

Immediately turned around to face her. She tried to cover her reaction, "I hope her food doesn't get cold," she said feigning a laugh.

I bit my tongue, last time I interfered it didn't end well. The sound of Casey and Isabella coming out of her room saved me.

Or, so I thought.

"I invited Isabella to stay for dinner, Isabella this is Olivia, Olivia, Isabella."

"Hi," Olivia said with a smile. I watched her carefully, feeling like I was going to be in the middle of a catfight.

"It's nice to meet you Olivia."

Casey went to grab plates and I saw the back of her hair was messy, I wanted to put my head in my hands. Cassandra Novak. I glanced at Isabella and saw she was a little worse for wear too. I wasn't even a detective and I noticed, I wondered what Olivia was thinking.

"I'm going to go clean the table in the living room, grab my plate Case?"

We all sat around the low table in the living room talking, Isabella seemed to have pulled Olivia from her trance by asking her if she enjoyed being a cop.

"Yes, I do. It's often a tough job, but rewarding when we're able to bring the families justice."

I noticed Olivia looked at Casey as she spoke, her eyes never leaving.

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><p>Casey's POV<p>

We waved goodbye to Olivia, and I shut the door behind her. I gently pulled Isabella in for a kiss and smiled, "do you want to stay?"

Her face said it all.

"What?"

"You don't see it?" She asked looking at me sideways.

"See what?"

"Olivia is head over heels for you."

I scoffed, "please, she hates me. You should see her at work. She is just being nice because they lost their ADA before me."

"Casey, it was written all over her face."

Genuine confusion crossed my face, "what?"

"Olivia is definitely interested in you."

"She's not gay."

Isabella lifted an eyebrow; "I don't believe that for a second."

She pulled me into her arms and kissed me softly. "I think you should talk to her. I think that the feeling may be mutual."

"No," I said fiercely, followed by a softer, "no." I said feeling even more confused.

She kissed me lightly, "If you haven't been swept away by beautiful Olivia, call me in a year when I get back."

And with that she walked out, and closed the door behind her.

"She's right you know."

I turned around to see Violet leaning against the wall of the kitchen.

"You two are wrong."

"We're right, and you know it."

"Life it just too complicated to start something new right now. Plus who says I like her back?"

Violet gave me her, 'don't feed me bullshit' face and I turned away from her to put the food away.

"Things are just too complicated to start right now."

"They weren't with Isabella…"

"She was leaving in less than a month."

Violet turned back into the hall, leaving as silently as she came.

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><p>The weekend came and went before I knew it. Vi and I seemed to stay in our corners of the apartment, both digesting our weekend. When I left for work she was curled on the couch. I picked the blanket up off the floor and noticed her portfolio on the table. I gently covered her and flipped through the book. With a deep sigh I left for work.<p>

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><p>Thoughts?<p>

Thanks for reading!


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